If You Never Wanted Sex Again Would That Be Okay

Episode 127

Sex after 40 can change so fast it feels like someone swapped your body overnight and nobody thought to mention it. We’re talking candidly about libido loss in perimenopause and menopause, sparked by a friend who asked us the question so many women whisper to themselves: “Is something wrong with me?” She loves her husband, she’s happy in her relationship, and yet she doesn’t want sex anymore, plus everything feels dry, sore, and exhausting. That single admission opened the floodgates for what we’ve heard again and again from women in their 40s, 50s and 60s.

We dig into the real-world reasons desire can disappear, from changing hormones (including the often-ignored role of testosterone) to sleep disruption, stress, and the relentless mental load that makes intimacy feel like one more task. We also unpack the emotional fallout on both sides: men reading “no sex” as rejection, women fearing they’re broken, and couples getting stuck in a cycle where even a cuddle feels like it comes with pressure. Along the way we talk about the unglamorous bits that matter: vaginal dryness, discomfort, continence worries, changing confidence, and why “just do it” advice can make things worse.

Most of all, we make space for nuance. Some women want solutions like lubricants, pessaries, HRT, or medical support, and some feel genuinely fine never having sex again. We ask what’s “normal”, what’s “okay”, and how to communicate needs without blame, duty, or shame. If this topic has been sitting between you and your partner, or if you’ve felt alone in it, come and talk with us in the community.

Subscribe, share the podcast with someone who needs it, leave us a review, and join our free Facebook group to keep the conversation going.

Click HERE to support us.

Thank you for listening.

You can continue the conversation with us in the Far 2 Fabulous Facebook group. Come and connect with other women on a journey to empowered health. 

For more information about Julie Clark Nutrition, click HERE
For more information about Catherine Chapman, click HERE
 

If you enjoy the podcast and would like to support the show, you can buy us a coffee HERE. Your support helps us continue creating episodes and improving our recording setup. 

We look forward to you joining us on the next episode.

Transcript

Welcome And Breaking The Taboo

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Far Too Fabulous. Julie and Catherine. Join us on a mission to embrace your fabulousness and really fight about this. Get ready for some questioness, inspiration, candy chat, and humour as we journey together towards empowered well-being.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Let's dive in. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Far Too Fabulous podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I was gritting my teeth, but desperately wanted to join in, but I've got another song for you, so I'm not going to sing the uh Far Too Fabulous intro because I've got another song for you.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Okay, do you want to break into the song or do you want me to introduce the subject first and then you break into the song? Well, maybe maybe it would give them an idea what we're going to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I think you should just go with the song. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Um well maybe not you and me. Well, not no, not in the not in terms of what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

I mean, unless this podcast takes a very different turn.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Very different turn. Yeah. But we are going to talk about sex, and we did talk about whether we should do this topic, but we think it's important. Yeah. Because basically what happened a few weeks ago is I was meeting with my group of friends, and one of my friends said, I want to ask you about something, but it's really personal and sensitive. And so we were all ears, the the three of us listening to our friend. And she said, So

A Friend Admits She’s Stopped Wanting Sex

SPEAKER_00 1:25

my friend is in her 40s, and she is post-menopausal. So she's already been through all of that.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

And I bet were you either thinking she's got cancer or she's going to get divorced? Like it was one of the two things.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Yeah, I don't I don't really know what I thought, but this particular friend, she's very open and she's very good at discussing things that need to be discussed, but you often shy away from. So that's the first thing. So she is very open with us, and so I don't even know what I was thinking, but she said, so basically, I want to. Well, I'm worried that there's something wrong with me for a start, and I don't know if it's normal, if it's just me or what. So I'm just gonna put it out there. She said, I am in a really nice relationship. I've got a lovely husband, I love my husband, but I don't want to have sex anymore. And she said, I just wondered what you guys thought, because I think there's something wrong with me. My husband's really struggling with it, but I am at the stage now where the parts of me that are involved in that are sore and dry for a start. She's someone that doesn't want to go down the route of using HRT, and that's fair enough. That's that's her decision as well. But she said, Well, is this normal? So after we all three of us discussed about it, so out of my group of friends, this particular lady is the youngest out of our group, so she's in her 40s. Then myself and one other friend are similar age in our mid-50s, and then another friend is in her 60s, and we've all got different scenarios. So one of our friends is in a fairly new relationship, one of them has been in um has been married for years, and yeah, so there's quite a mixture, and we all said that we agreed, and then I thought, hang a minute, this is not being talked about. There's four of us sat here, and we're all saying that we have very little interest in sex in the grand scheme of things. So then I was away recently with another friend who I've known. Like, you know, you've got a friend that you've known the longest. So one of my friends that I've known the longest, so I can talk about anything with this friend. And I asked her, and I said, you know, do you still have sex with your husband? She's a little bit older than me. She's already gone through menopause, and she said, Not if I can help it. And I thought to myself, Well, this is interesting because when we start talking about menopause, changing hormones, we talk about brain fog and heart flushes and things like that. We I I've not heard anybody say, and you completely lose your libido.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

I have had similar conversations with with friends, definitely, and I think it's talked about, but only on a really surface level, and in fact, joked about. Yeah. Like people will say, Oh yeah, no, I, you know, I stayed up later and watched Love Island and he went to bed, so I didn't have to engage in any of that. Yeah, that sort of thing. I think it's I think it's brushed over, I think it's joked about, and I can totally understand where your friend is coming from when she thinks that there's there's something wrong or worries that there is something wrong when it's definitely not a conversation that's out in the public domain.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

No.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

As I mean, like we've highlighted so frequently, anything to do with female health is never like headline news, is it?

SPEAKER_00 5:12

No.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

So no. Again, we shouldn't be surprised.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Yeah, we should be crushed under the carpet. No, we shouldn't be surprised, but at the same time, we've we have come on with regards to raising awareness of these things, but again, this this is not this has not come up. And like my husband Googled how often should a couple at this age be having sex? And he come to me with, we should be having sex once or twice a week. And I'm like, who are who are these people? And why do they where have they got this information from?

SPEAKER_01 5:47

So is Google then gonna come and do your your housework and be self-employed and be a mother and be a social butterfly and be a self-care guru, is do you know what I mean? Because this is what's going through your head, is it not, when someone suggests sex?

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Well, there is a lot, like we were talking

Hormones And The Men Women Mismatch

SPEAKER_00 6:10

before we came on to do the podcast about the fact that men and women are so misaligned, aren't they? It's like women for for us to want sex, we gotta have a connection, and there's got to be some emotional stuff leading up to that. For men, in order for them to feel connected, emotional connection, they need the sex to validate that. And if you if they don't get that, they feel rejected. My husband did say to me, Have we is there something going on? Have we got a problem? And my my friend, her husband's really struggling with it, but she's almost at the point where she was saying, What why do I have to do anything about it? If I don't want to do that, I love my husband, we have really good time together, but actually I don't want to do that anymore. And is that and then she started saying, Do you think this is normal progression? Because for a woman, sex is an opportunity to carry on the population. Yeah, our bodies are changing when we go through perimenopause and menopause, therefore, that function is taken away, our hormones are lowered. We have spoken on another podcast about testosterone and how that is a not even considered an essential hormone for women, but it's very much tied into libido. So you've lost these hormones and you've lost your biological function for the reason for sex. Right. And other things are going on, like she was saying, the you know, I'm waking up early in the morning. Do you think, and we're all working in healthcare, this group of friends, do we think that it's because I'm now at this stage of my life, as far as my body's concerned, is thinking I sh I'm now at a stage where I would be helping out with grandchildren. Therefore, is it helpful that I don't need as much sleep as my daughter or daughter-in-law to help with the children? They wake up early.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Is this part of a an how evolution takes us, yeah? Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

So we ended up talking about all sorts of things, but everybody that I've now spoke to, so I spoke to another friend and asked the question. So they've we've been a situation where the biggest group of people getting divorced, yeah, and the people requesting the divorce is women between the ages of 45 and 55, I believe. That's the current age, that's the most amount of divorces. And I know so many people who have been married for years, their children have now got to a stage where they're going to university and suddenly they're getting divorced. And a lot of the time it comes as quite a shock, but then I'm thinking to myself, is it because this is going on and no one has bloody well spoken about it?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Yeah, I think it plays into it a lot. I I think, and it's a lot of this is down to hormones, isn't it? So a lot of the divorce rate, I think, is down to that oestrogen packing its bags and disappearing. And I mean, that was our husband's saviour at that point because it meant that we tolerated a hell of a lot. It was our children's saviour, it was our husband's saviour, it was our annoying friend's saviour, and we were we were willing to put up with a lot. Eestrogen's packed its bags and disappeared off, and now we're not willing to put up with anything, basically. And I don't think, I've said this so frequently now, I don't think that um I have got more irritable. I just and I also think that people haven't got more annoying, I'm just not willing to put up with it.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

The tolerance has gone, and that's that's the thing, isn't it? And that comes with a blessing, but it also has some downsides to it.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Definite amount of freedom, yes. But also, so then if we're talking about our personal relationships, I am I am less able to tolerate if if somebody is um not in the best of moods, um, and then that does not help him when he uh wants me in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

And this is so true, isn't it? Like I was saying to you that when you're going through this stage of, I mean, I am definitely perimenopausal. I've turned 55, I've spoken before about still having a period, I've just got a period that was 19 days after the previous one at the moment. So what's happening is that I don't know when my period is coming. Yeah, it's coming more frequently. That impacts lots of things because you've got to the timing has got to be right. So when you've got someone that works a job where they're out in the evening, or you've got to be aligned at the right time, and then you've got to be, oh, I haven't got my period. Have you pissed me off that day? How many other things have I got going on in my mind? Am I tired? Have I been training my gymnastics? Therefore, my body hurts. So there's very small windows of opportunity, and when you've got that tolerance that is no longer there, are the kids around? The kids around, yeah. And then there's that point where you're kind of like in your mind, and this is another thing I think with women is this phyllofax that's always whirring around in the background. It's like, oh, um, okay, I've got to do my duty because that was another thing that was discussed amongst my friends, is that yeah, I don't really want to, but I kind of feel like I have to as the wife. I mean, that's coming from bloody years ago, isn't it? In the 1950s or before servicing your husband. Servicing your husband. So you've got all of that going on, right? And then when all of those things are aligned, your husband

Mental Load Duty Sex And Avoidance

SPEAKER_00 12:00

can do or say something that you just go in your mind, you're like, well, that's not happening now then. They don't even know. They don't even know that you'd that you'd figured that, like, okay, oh, yep, we're gonna be uh at the same place at the same time. Yep, and now you've pissed me off, so now that's not happening, yeah. And then another week goes by, or another month goes by, or before you know it, it's six months down the line. And I think that that is more normal and it's not being spoken about. So we've got those changing hormones that's affecting our libido anyway and our desire to want to do it. Yeah, at the same time, we're managing when am I going to get my period scenario.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

And we but we need those hormones, don't we? We need those hormones to feel horny, to be physically able to do the fit like to do the physical act. We need those hormones, and I don't believe that that is the same for men, and so it's really hard. We can't just even if they've been the loveliest human being on this planet earth all week, it's still if those hormones are not there to support that feeling, it's really hard to drum it up, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

It it is, and but it's really upsetting, I think, for the female as well as the male. Yeah, so the man is thinking, What's going on? Um, my wife doesn't love me anymore, she doesn't find me attractive, even though the men seem to be aging at a different rate. Just think we're just being a bitch, or there's that, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the women are also upset because they think there's something wrong with me, yeah. Um, my husband's gonna go and cheat on me, yeah, all of these other things, and yeah, this this different rate of aging and different things that are happening. It you've got to think about why is a man able to father a child until he's pretty much dead, whereas a woman cannot past her 40s, really, for the most part, right? So there's definitely some something going on there, and that's before you even talk about the knock-on effect of your confidence because your body's changing. Well, that's that's a huge thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Your body looks different. You are going into a different stage in your life. I don't know about you, and I mean I know that you do gymnastics and you're very flexible, but my hips are not the same hips that I had 20 years ago. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I can only kneel on my knees for so long. Exactly. And it's not like the bloody movies. I'm like, I'm sorry, I've got a cramp in my whatever. It's not glamorous, and and okay, I'm oh we're gonna go there now. Let's go there, let's do it. There's also things like

Dryness Pain Continence And Confidence

SPEAKER_01 15:00

continence, which play a huge role in it as well. Yeah, if you are, and whether and that doesn't necessarily be tied into your how many children you've had, because I know plenty of people that have not had children at all, and as they've gone into perimenopause, their continence has been an issue. Yeah, absolutely. Or you're very, very dry down there, it's very sore. Yep. There's so many things that play into this that yeah, it's just and those things are what are what is whirring around your head when you're supposed to be getting horny and jiggy with it. Yeah. It's it's really tough. Can we talk about that like servicing your your husband? Yeah, that duty. Yep, let's go there. And and how and and and so the pros and cons of that, because obviously, if you don't feel like it and you're happy with not feeling like it, you're happy with not doing it anymore, but you're in a loving relationship and the man wants to do it. Like, how do you get over that? Like, there's like what do you do? That's it feels a bit checkmatey.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Yeah, and this is what my friend is experiencing because she is saying, I don't want to take things to to make my libido improve. I don't want to take things to make sex comfortable because everything's sore down there. I don't want to do it. I'm happy with myself, I'm happy with the fact that I've got a companion that I enjoy their company and I can do things with. I don't she said, right now, I don't care if I never have sex again. And I've said that to my husband, and he has no his brain cannot even come round to the fact that that's how I feel. He doesn't understand it at all, and it's obviously causing a problem.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Well, he needs to listen to this podcast then just to give just to give them an inkling into into the way that we think about it, because you've now spoken about it with your husband, and you said he had no idea that you felt like that.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

No, no, and it's and it's like little things like if you want to just have a kiss and a cuddle, when it's been a while since you've had sex and you do that or you initiate that, it feels like the green light is on, but you it it all comes down to communication again, doesn't it? But even when you've been married for a while and you've got a good relationship, there still seems to be a little bit of lack of understanding between the two sexes, yeah, especially at this stage of life, I think.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

And also it's not very romantic, is it? When you go up to them and you think, oh, they they're looking alright, I fancy a snog, yeah, but then you come at them with a whole list of precursors. I'm coming to have a kiss with you, and a cuddle with you, but I haven't got time to then go and jump into bed with you. I just want to have a kiss and a cuddle with you.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did it work? Yeah, and it's like, how do you communicate that when you want to be spontaneous sometimes, but you don't want then the pressure? So then, and this is what my friend said as well I've I've withdrawn from everything because I don't want to go there, so I don't even start the process, yeah, and then you start to lose the connection, and I can completely relate to that as well. So, yeah, I just thought it was important that we opened up the conversation because I literally don't think that it's being discussed, and when the four of us were sat there, all at different stages, different ages, like I said, one of our friends is in a fairly new relationship, and even with her saying that she's found like she's cut she came out of a really abusive relationship, she's met a really nice guy, he's lovely, everything is going really well. I think they're gonna get married, but even she was saying, I don't actually I could take it or leave it, yeah. And so that isn't just a few women going like, yep, there's something wrong with me. Yeah, that has got to be on a physiological level that I'm talking to you about it, yeah. I spoke to my other friends about it, and we're all having the same conversation. No, nobody that I spoke to in this kind of age, so 40s, 50s, 60s, said the complete opposite of that. No, it's really none of them.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I think it's really important that we're having this conversation. I also think that this podcast is a really good tool for the men to listen to and know that it is not just their wives or partners and it's not them. It's not there's like, and to take any blame away from it, like it's an awareness tool. Now, I think I don't I don't believe in servicing your husband on a on a regular basis. However, that works for some people, like they're like, you know, Tuesday night is the night that we maybe they have a date night, maybe they just get it over and done with, I don't know. But that works for some people, that they just do it on a regular basis to keep a sexual relationship alive. And and I think that there needs to be some discussion around that because I I wonder that like we were saying earlier, like these adult relationships take work, that we're not in a freaking Disney film, no, like we've got and we've all got like kids, aging parents, jobs, stress all over the place, and so it takes a great deal of work and risk and I don't know, just setting that time aside

Communication And Keeping Connection Alive

SPEAKER_01 21:00

to be to be in a relationship. And so maybe it's a maybe it's a sign that there just needs to be a bit more work there to do with that connection, and then I'm not saying that you do that to lead to sex, although it might lead to sex because you might kind of rekindle that that that intimate relationship that you've got, but perhaps it's just a sign that it yeah, that you need to stoke the stoke the relationship fires just just a little bit, potentially. I I think that even if it starts a conversation, an open conversation about where you are at just in life generally, I think it's really it's really important. But yeah, the conversation just isn't ever being had, is it?

SPEAKER_00 21:50

No. And then you've got all of these women filing for divorce, and for for many of them, that might be the right thing. Yeah, maybe they dig. Get married young, or maybe they're not a good match, or whatever it is. But I do wonder how many of those also might be just because this situation is going on. The men are are aging at a different rate to the women. We've got all of this going on, and then you see these men often when there has been a divorce, a couple have split up, they get together with someone younger, don't they? Yeah. Yeah, it's absolutely true. It's so true. So I was just thinking about when we've got high hormones, that's when we tend to be more proactive. So if you think about stages in your life where your hormones are up high, when you're teenager, around pregnancies, hormones are up high. Yeah. And then you think about times where it dips low, we know that within a cycle, you know yourself when you there's times where you feel really good, or you do feel horny. Yeah. Things like that. It cannot, you we cannot just say that it's not connected. It's connected to the hormones. Yeah. When you think about when people have like a total hysterectomy, for example, back in the day, people would have a hysterectomy and not be given hormone replacement. So overnight your hormones are gone. When you put in when you're put into a medically induced menopause, suddenly overnight you haven't got your hormones. Yeah. That directly impacts your desire, your libido, everything. Everything. It must be your confidence. Your confidence, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

And you must, yeah, and exactly. And if you're not supported, you think that there's something wrong with you.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

No, it's it's a it's a huge, huge subject.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Yeah. And I just keep thinking about that that running through your mind things of all the things that you've got going on as well. Because a lot of the time when you do get into bed, it's like, okay, um, what's the time now? Uh have I done everything I'm supposed to have done? How long have I got to get out of here? How long have I got? Yeah. What's happening tomorrow? Do I want to be tired tomorrow? Uh, do I want my hip to be playing up tomorrow? So, do you think it's also a symptom of our nuts' lives? It's interesting use of the word nuts nuts. I heard that as I said it. Well, we know that pretty much everybody is stressed, and we know that the body does not expect you to have sex when you're stressed, and that's the same for men as well. That's one of the major causes of erectile dysfunction. That's the word I was looking for. It's a good word, yeah. But that is that's a major cause, isn't it? Yeah. So you've got that feeding into it as well. But I just, yeah, I honestly think that if men could see what is going on in our brains for just this, oh, could this happen tonight? Oh, is the is everything gonna work out? They they have no clue that that is going on. They're literally like, oh, I'm up for it right now, right? What why are you not available?

unknown 25:12

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Yeah, if they could just crack open our head and see what was going on. I mean, are we overthinking this? Oh, I mean, and there is there's so there's so many factors, but that like are we are we overthinking this? A friend of mine, um, again, when we've been having this conversation, she, even though she doesn't feel like it as as much as she used to, is adamant that they have sex once a week just to keep again just to keep a sexual relationship.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

And I wonder how many times though she thinks to herself, oh god, it's it's that time again. I've got and can I come up with some excuses? Yeah, because that's the other thing, isn't it? Is is the excuses if you if your excuses get taken away. How many times does this happen if you go away for a night? You know, if you go away for a night away from your everyday life that you're really busy, yeah, you're thinking, oh my goodness me, I just want to chill out, have an have get some sleep, yeah, that kind of stuff, and your husband is thinking, yeah, well hey, holiday. All the excuses are gone. Yeah, so I wonder how many times that that particular friend is just lie back, think of England.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

No, I'm I yeah, I'm sure. I'm absolutely sure of it. But funny you said about like holiday, because there is an expectation, isn't there, that you're that you're relaxed and and maybe if you've been lucky enough to go away without out the children that that it happens. And on the odd occasion that we've had that opportunity, sometimes if we've gone away for the weekend and it hasn't happened, there's also a weird guilt involved in it. And I don't, I mean, I don't have no idea. Actually, I don't know if I've ever had that conversation with Mark. I don't know whether that is a two-sided thing, because I know I know that there would be an expectation of it for that weekend, and so if it doesn't happen, is their disappointment? And it certainly takes a I don't know, like a revving up of effort. There's a lot of for me, it's a lot of energy any longer. Um that I mean that said, I I've not always been, even when I was younger, I wasn't a highly, highly sexed person. You know, I I enjoyed it, I enjoyed playing around with it, but it wasn't I wasn't really, really driven to do it. And so and I can I kind of feel I feel less like that now, but it hasn't gone away completely.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

No.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

But I know some people are quite highly sex, but I w I mean I mean I wonder where like I wonder where your friends came from, what their normal, like their normal practice was to now as well.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Yeah, it's it's it's a good question, uh, for sure. I will ask her next time I see her. Just thinking about the women that I'm speaking to on a regular basis through my work, this also this topic comes up a lot, and people are actually are quite open when you've got to discuss when when we're discussing in a nutritional consultation, we're discussing life and everything. I don't specifically ask this question, but often it will be one of the things that comes up, and I have had several women, maybe even more, say that this is uh this is a major problem within their relationship, and then it causes stress, and then it becomes a vicious cycle.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Yeah. And I think because it's such a like taboo subject, it and it's like there's so much emotion involved in it. It is often like pushed aside, we won't talk about it, and it then it just makes it an even bigger issue.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Yeah, yeah. I think you've hit the nail on the head there. So I think the whole purpose of us talking about it today is be just because my friend was like, Is this is there something wrong with me? That's how she opened up the conversation. I want to see if there's something wrong with me. And then having spoken to the rest of my friends, realizing that actually this is very normal, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

We thought it would be a good subject to discuss, just to just yeah, just to to throw up in the air and see where see where everything falls. And I think you're so right, women are really, really good at getting together and talking in general. I think in recent years we have been a little bit more isolated, whether that's COVID, whether that's social media, whether that's we're because we're more and more busy, I don't, I don't know. But I think highlighting the importance of women getting together and speaking about things like this is huge. I've said so many times on this podcast, my NCT group were an absolute lifesaver for me when you're sat there at home on your own with a baby and it's doing whatever babies do to shock the life out of you. Yeah. And then you come back together with this group of women and you go, My baby did that. And they all go, My baby did that, my baby did that, my baby did that, and you're like, Oh my god, thank God, it's normal.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Or, and I mean, even if it isn't completely normal, that you all get to then talk about it. And I think that so if we have encouraged you to think about it, to speak about it, g either with your partner or with your with your girlfriends, I think it's yeah, really, really important. I mean, so is it important? Is it important that women of 50s, 60s plus have that are sexually active? Is that is that important to you? Is that important to a relationship? It's obviously not important to the continued human race.

unknown 31:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

And and why is it not like why is it not okay if that's where you're at? Like my friend, she said, I couldn't give a damn at the moment. I have I don't care if I never have sex again. Why is that not okay?

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Why is that not just something that happens and that's fine?

SPEAKER_01 31:44

No, it's a really it isn't in but again it takes us back to that. If you're in that partnership, where do they where do they go from there? Oh, I would really love it if people would come in the group and speak to us about this subject. It would be really interesting. Have you spoken about this

Questions For Listeners And Where To Talk

SPEAKER_01 32:00

before to to friends or partners? Did you think it was just you?

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Yeah. Are you relieved that someone's actually spoken about this subject?

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Yeah, and feels and feels the same to you. Has it made you angry? Do do you love a bit of sex? Yeah, and you're like, no, I don't identify with this at all. Do you feel like you have to be proactive about it? Um, and I I feel like there is a little bit of I don't know, it's a real I'm really kind of balancing. I totally get where your friend is that she is happy. And to be honest, if I left it and I didn't have mark, I I think I'd be the same.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

I think I'd be the same. Um yeah, but you've got to appreciate that you're not the other side of the menopause either. No. So you don't know what that's gonna be like when and it depends again on whether you you say, right, I still want to have a relationship like this, so I need to use lubricants and pessaries and take maybe I need to get a prescription for testosterone or whatever it is to keep this going. Yeah, but it's I mean that's it, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 33:16

If you if you like it, that's a I mean, that's a whole other subject, isn't it? If you like it, but it's really difficult and the libido has left you, yeah, but you would still like to do it, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

There's a whole lot of effort involved in sort of bringing it all back. And again, it's all on the woman again, isn't it? Because it's like when we're the ones who have to do the contraceptive, we'll have to like it's all on the woman again, and that's what makes me cross. And that's basically my friend was saying maybe this is just normal and it's part of evolution, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

No, I know. Whereas for the men, all you've got to do is bend over and they're like, whoo, shovel. I don't know what I mean. It's just unbelievable. Does not sit down, and I mean, like, you know, I do not look at that heart bending over the dishwasher every day. No, we we can't finish on that, surely. Are we gonna have to? We need to finish the episode. Oh my god. Oh, I just yeah, I there's I mean, there are so many things that we can talk about this, and I I get the impression this is not the last time that we will talk about sex, baby. I think this is probably just the opening conversation. So we would love, love. If you have heard us beg you on podcast to come and continue the conversation, and you've not done it, let this be the episode that you do it. Come into the Facebook group. I'm sure there's a way you can make it anonymous if you want to.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah, I was thinking the same because it is, I appreciate it's a sensitive subject.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

It it is, but you know what happens when us girls get together and we talk. That you know, anything's anything's possible. Come and let us know if you if you agree, if you are feeling these feelings and you thought that you were on your own, and any other avenues that we have not explored that maybe you think that a uh that a podcast is needed. I think it'd be this is just the beginning, girls.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's super important to have these conversations. So, yeah, thanks for listening. We'll see you on the next episode. Keep talking about sex, baby.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Thank you so much for joining us today. We love creating this for you. We'll be back next week with another great episode.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Until then, we'd be beyond grateful if you'd subscribe to the podcast and leave us a glowing review. If you've already done this, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Please do share the podcast with friends and family. You never know which tiny piece of information could be life-changing for someone you care about.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

We absolutely love hearing from you. So connect, comment, or message us on our social media channels. You'll find all the links in the show.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

And if you haven't already, come and join us in our free Facebook group where we continue the conversation and you get to connect with like minded women. We'd love to welcome you in. Until next time, stay fabulous!