I’m Doing Everything Right… So Why Don’t I Look Like That?

 Episode 116: I’m Doing Everything Right… So Why Don’t I Look Like That? 

Before and after photos can hit like a punch: instant hope, instant comparison, and that quiet feeling of “why isn’t it working for me?” We’re digging into why those images on social media often leave you with an icky, false story. Two snapshots can’t show the real process of change, and they rarely give any credit to the things that matter most: better sleep, more energy, stronger movement, improved mood, and the day to day choices that build health.

We talk about the messy middle nobody posts: the two steps forward and three steps back, the boring consistency, the weeks where nothing looks different, and the reality that progress can feel worse before it feels better. We also explore why fast “eight week transformations” often don’t stick without an identity shift, and why comparing yourself to celebrities or influencers can be wildly unfair when privilege, time, support, and professional styling are part of the picture.

From phones in bedrooms to weekly takeaways, we get practical about trade offs and expectations. The question we keep coming back to is simple: what are you willing to do, and what kind of lifestyle do you actually want to live? If your goal is only a static image, it comes with an end date. If your goal is health, vitality, and feeling good in your own skin, it becomes a way of life.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Welcome to Forty Fabulous and Catherine. Join us on a mission to break your fabulousness and reading fiveness. Get ready for spiritness, inspiration, and cat and human as we journey together towards empowered well being. Let's dive in. Hello, hello. Welcome to the Far Too Fabulous Podcast Show.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

You know what's funny is that for the people listening, they don't know what happened just before you came in to say that because we always have this discussion about who's going to do the intro, and I and and I thought you were going first, you thought I was going first, and then you were laughing as you came in. Oh yeah.

Why Before And After Grates

SPEAKER_00 1:09

You like to you do it, no, you do it. And we have to do this 10 seconds of silence at the beginnings, and it helps for editing. And so initially we just sat here like Wallie's. And I can't try not to look at each other. Do you remember what we're doing? We are talking this week. I can't believe we're doing this because this really this really irritates me. We're talking about before and after photos that you see on social media. People that use the images of people before they've done usually a diet.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Yeah. Or an exercise programme or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Yeah. And after uh after they've got the results that they are wanting. And actually, I mean, I have to before we before we do this, because people will probably look through my social media, I have done this once, and the pictures are really exciting. Like you're like, but for me, what was the most exciting thing was being able to celebrate that with the person that I had that I had done it with.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

And I don't, and so I think it's like um for for me looking at those pictures, I'm not s I wouldn't say that it's a bad thing to see before and after. It was just I was realizing when you see these come up on your social media, hang a minute, we're we it's like a magic wand before, da-da-da, and then suddenly after, and there isn't any recognition of the middle bit.

The Missing Middle Of Change

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Yeah, it's like when uh when Joe Wicks says he was a 10-year overnight success, yeah, isn't it? Like that yeah, there is no credit for what is happening in between, and I think the I think the big thing actually that kind of grates with me is that it focuses all on the physical. There's nothing about like so if somebody has either lost weight or gained muscle in these before and after pictures, there's no credit to the fact that they can move better, the fact that they've got more energy, the fact that they can, you know, wipe their own bottom because they're flexible enough to do this. There's not any of that, it's all about how somebody looks, and I think that we should be trying very, very hard to get away from that.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

And most of those pictures, like the before picture, is is really the way that it's taken is the lights pour, it's really unflattering. Bad pair of pants on, yeah, and then the second picture is so well lit, they got their makeup on, their hairs done, whatever, little pose.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah, yeah. You're absolutely right, and that gives you like an icky feeling, like it's like it's false, like what they're actually showing you didn't actually happen.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

No, yeah, and then and then you do think to yourself, well, you then compare yourself to those photos, don't you? And you just think, well, why I've been doing whatever I've been doing, and I don't look like that, yeah. And but there isn't that the mess in the middle or the work that's gone in, none of that ever gets shown. And I was thinking, I was getting annoyed when I was looking at these things, and I thought, hang a minute, when I'm posting up like for my gymnastics or something, I don't necessarily video all of the misattempts or the trying to learn it, and I just thought, that's interesting. It is literally like I've been learning this move, and here it is, and I can now do it.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, no, that's that is true, that is true. So, right, the pictures don't show the two steps forward, three steps back, the tears, they don't say how long. Well, some of them do, uh, and I think it's probably unrealistic.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

They're usually always unrealistic time periods, aren't they? From this to this in eight weeks, yeah, eight weeks transformation. We already spoke recently about healthy weight loss over a period of uh what to expect in a year or three years.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Yeah, yeah, and that's yeah, and the uh the Amazon society that we are want it all done yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

And I think the problem is that the middle bit isn't very exciting, it's not very sexy, it's not very sexy, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 5:21

It's like fibre.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah, it is, it's like fibre because it's not fast and visible and obvious, it's little micro changes that are happening over a time that give you a result in the end.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Yeah, absolutely. I was having a conversation with a friend of ours that has been losing weight slowly and steadily over the last sort of couple of years, and it's only recently, like within the last two or three months, that people have been really noticing and commenting. And she said the same herself that she's only really noticing it recently, and so when you're going through these processes of change, that you've got like a year potentially of not seeing the fruits of your labour, and you've just got to keep plodding on regardless.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yeah, it is really hard. It's gonna you've got to be consistent because motivation can disappear, progress can go backwards, can't it? You can feel worse before you feel better, yeah, and all of that, and there's got to be an identity shift that takes place as well in amongst all that all that mess.

Slow Progress And Identity Shifts

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah, absolutely, and I think that's the that's the big thing, and perhaps like when we're talking about those fast transformations, this in eight weeks, it's very unlikely that that transformation is going to stick because there's no way that there's been that identity shift no through that. There's or it's very unlikely, shall we say, that the person that is in the second picture has decided actually this is how I'm going to look. They may want that, they may well want that, or they may think that they want that, but the chances are they've not changed, it's not been long enough for them to have changed their habits and the and their identity and how they how they feel about the way that they look and how they feel about themselves for it to be able to stick.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Yeah, you almost want that before and after picture to be before enduring, because otherwise it's got a definitive end date, hasn't it? That's interesting, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

So they stopped doing whatever it was that they were doing to get there.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah, so I think we've got to acknowledge what's going on in the middle, and then I was talking to you about having that honest conversation with my clients about what you are willing to do, because if your goal is to be you you've got a role model that you really look up to, or normally it's completely unrealistic because the people that you're looking up to have got money, they've got people coming in to prepare their food, they've got their exercise regime, someone's looking after the kids, dropping them off. They've got nothing else to do. That's they can focus on it, yeah, and then when we see them, they've got the most amazing makeup artists and hairdressers and stylists, all of that, but we compare our ourselves to them, don't we?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Yeah, and there's pictures of them taking their children to school on the you know, one day they've done it in the term, and you're like, Oh, how do they look like that on a school run? When it's yeah, it's unrealistic.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Yeah, or the opposite thing is they're in the magazines like is heat magazine still a thing or those types of magazines? No idea. Where they used to take photos of of celebrities that didn't have their makeup on and stuff that popped out to Tesco's or something, yeah, and then they totally like really diss them, don't they? Trash them, yeah. And you just think, oh my goodness me, I was thinking about this conversation around okay, if you want to achieve this goal or look this way or be this type of person, yeah. What are you willing to do to get there? Yeah, and a lot of people have got things that are they're non-negotiables, they they don't want to budge on things. It's hard to make a change and it's uncomfortable, and we don't like being uncomfortable, do we?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

No, we would do anything to not be uncomfortable, yeah. No, you're absolutely right that you need to yeah, decide where you are heading and is it worth giving up the things that you potentially enjoy to get there? Because, like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger did not look like that from sitting on the couch watching Netflix. No, although I don't think Netflix assisted when Arnold Schwarzenegger looked like that, probably but you know what I mean, like The Rock or somebody. They have privileged lives, however, they put a lot of work into that, but every now and again they might binge. But chances are most of the time they eat a very strict diet, they probably go to sleep quite well. I don't I'm not gonna assume that they don't have stressful lives because I think that that's probably false, but they put a lot of work into looking like they do.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah, it's true. And just to use like a really simple example of this, because this comes up when I'm talking to clients, is that say someone's come to me because they've got energy problems. The first thing I'm gonna look at is sleep, and then the amount of people that will be scrolling on their phone when they're in bed.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

So then we talk about right, can we leave the phone downstairs? Oh no, I need it for an alarm. Okay, do you want more energy or are you going to continue to scroll on your phone, or are you gonna put that phone downstairs and see what impact it has? Buy yourself a basic alarm clock.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Yeah, buy yourself a basic alarm clock, buy yourself a landline telephone that sits upstairs if you're worried that somebody needs to get hold of you in the middle of the night. Leave your phone that attaches you to the rest of the world out of your grip. I can't have mine next to me. I cannot trust myself to have it there, and I know that. Yeah. And so it goes downstairs. Uh with the odd exception, my my daughter's abroad at the time of recording, and I can't quite let go of that.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And that's yeah, and that's different and that's a temporary thing. And we spoke about putting the settings on your phone so that it does to turn dark or grey or things like that.

Unrealistic Role Models And Privilege

SPEAKER_00 11:32

It's also the I think we're on a tangent already, but it's the notifications on the phone. So when the children have got their phones in the rooms, I can hear them, or something's like pinging up. Even if they're asleep, their subconscious can hear that beeping. There is no way that their quality of sleep is as good if it's as if they couldn't hear that. Because there'll still be somewhere in their little brains, or their big brains, sorry kids, something saying, Oh, someone's just sent me a message.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

There'll be like a little bit of dopamine itching to be and they won't sleep as as well as if that that you know what you're right, because there was some research recently done on this that showed that having your phone in your room, even if you weren't someone that went on it, still impacted the quality of your sleep. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Just from being there. Yeah, absolutely. I yeah, I mean, and I can't be trusted because I would just I you know, suddenly in the middle of the night be like, oh, I didn't answer somebody, or oh, I've you know, I thought it was gonna look that up, and then off I'll go. And then you come back off the phone, you're like, I didn't even do what I went on it to do in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

No, because it sends you down a rabbit hole, doesn't it? Say you wanted to be toned and have a lean physique. I do, yes. Yes, but but you didn't want to strength train.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Oh, you're shit out of luck then.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Well, exactly and this is the thing. This is the thing, isn't it? This is where you've got to be realistic about what what you're trying to achieve. Exactly. And you've got to be honest with yourself and say, Am I willing to give up my weekly takeaway? Like a lot of people, I love this discussion, and it will be I have a takeaway every week, but it's only one night. On a Saturday, we will have to have a takeaway. Now, if you've come to me because you've got some health issues, you're overweight, that all of these things, is this going to help you? Yeah, then are you willing to give that up? Yeah. If you're not, then you've got to adjust your expectation on what goal you're going to achieve. Yeah, 100% agree.

What Are You Willing To Change

SPEAKER_00 13:40

The thing is that often you have, if we're talking about like physique, you have got to where you are now because it's the easiest path. Your body will take and your mind will take the path of least resistance. It wants you to be comfortable, it wants you, it doesn't want you to have to strive for things. And often, like the processed foods and comfort foods and things like that are the easiest thing, but that's that it's just obvious that that's the way that it's gonna go, and so the opposite to that is uncomfortable. Having to like make a change is uncomfortable. Most human beings do not like change, and I think coming to terms with that initially is really helpful, just knowing that there's gonna be moments that are uncomfortable and that you're gonna have to give up things that you like or just alter the way things are going. And I mean, we definitely preach that you're like not abstinence. What is that is that's the wrong way around? Yeah, well, we we don't we don't want you to abstain from we don't want extreme versions, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

We're not talking about extremes, but if you're someone that's come to me and said, Right, I've just had my twins and I'd like to look like JLo in three months, it that's not it's not a realistic goal. But the the the amount of times that even if you don't verbalise that to me as a goal, that's what you've got in your head, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Totally get that. Yeah, and yeah, I do, I totally get that because that's what we see all of the time on social media, and and once upon a time, that's what we used to see all of the time in magazines.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Yeah, so when we see that before and after picture, we're not seeing the bit in the middle, and that's the that would be beneficial to go, okay, what did this person actually really do to get from there to there? How long did it actually take? Yeah, what did they give up? What did they give up? What did they have to prioritize and come at it from that way?

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah, like a really realistic, healthy look at it.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah, yeah, and then not having that end date, it is more of looking at what is the lifestyle that I want to create for myself, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yes, a hundred percent. And again, that's like it's hard because there's there isn't an end date to that. There isn't something sexy about this consistency, you've just got to keep plodding on. But again, your goal, can I think of another word than shouldn't? Your goal, it is not helpful for your goal to be that end pitcher. No, that's not life, that's not longevity, that's not energy. That's what your goal should be is to be fit and healthy and energetic and comfortable in your clothes, and maybe realistic that you're still not gonna you're not gonna fit into the clothes that once you wore when you were 16. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Talking to myself, I can see you were talking to yourself. The other thing is that our goal shouldn't be someone else's goal. Yes, because that's another thing, is that we look and we think, oh, they want that, I should want that. Yeah, and we've got different bodies, different mindsets, different life, different we've got to do it around our own situation.

Lifestyle Goals Over Static Images

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yes, yeah, and why isn't that individuality celebrated? It's getting there, but we are actually no, I take that back, it's not getting there. I think that we are more looking more and more like clones and cheap as the days go by. Yeah, and the generations coming up talk about celebrating individuality whilst at the same time being scared to be totally different. And I mean, thankfully, we've got the blessings of uh oestrogen leaving us like left, right, and centre, and we don't give any shits anymore. So we're you know, we're probably getting to the point where it doesn't matter what what other people think, but I think to a lot of people it does, and it is yeah, but maybe getting really, really quiet and working out what it is that that you want just for you, not because somebody says it so, and then working towards that, and just being really honest with yourself because a lot of the time when we when we think we are working towards a goal, we haven't really got things in place that are gonna get us there, we aren't consistent, and we are we have got habits that we aren't prepared to give up. Yeah, is that goal strong enough for you, or is that lifestyle strong enough for you that when it comes to a a prosecco on a sunny Saturday afternoon or an ice cream when you're on holiday or every single day of the summer holidays? Yeah, are you going to go? Actually, no, my goal is stronger than that sort of that little bite of pleasure right now. I and those this and you have to make those decisions like many, many, many times a day. Unfortunately.

Invisible Choices And Honest Self Talk

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Yeah, you do. You really need to have a strong reason to want to achieve that goal, and it and it needs to push you in that direction. And if you've got any anything negative around achieving that goal, your body will just stop you. Oh, it'll yeah, it will use that against you completely. Yeah, yeah, because if you're somebody, one of the ones that's come up before when I've been working with clients when we've dug a little bit deeper because we're blocking it, is I want to lose weight, but the last time I lost weight, or the last time I was this size, I was in an unhealthy relationship and I don't want to attract that type of person again. Or at work, I wasn't treated with my intelligence, I was treated as a a blom bimbo. Yeah, those kind of things, if they're in the background in your mind, and and your body will automatically block you achieving that because it doesn't want to put you back in that position. Sometimes you have to dig a little deeper and look at those things. But I think the mo the most important thing that we wanted to put across in this episode was those before and after pictures, they're all very well, but they aren't showing you the process in the middle, and that's the most important bit, isn't it? Yeah, but that's the living bit, right? That is that is actually the living bit, actually the living thing, and we spoke before about what is there when I get there. What is there?

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Yeah, no, absolutely. So being able to create a lifestyle, I think that's what you've got to look for, is a lifestyle, it's not an image, it's like what how do I want my lifestyle to look? How do I do I want to go and have a I mean maybe you do want to go and have a siestra in the afternoon? I quite like a siestra in the afternoon, but yeah, do you want to have all that energy? Do you want to be able to to physically do the things that you want to do? And I think that those need to be at the goals rather than a static image on somebody's marketing.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Absolutely. So I love this saying results aren't just built in the gym or the kitchen, they're built in the choices that no one sees. Yeah. Only you know the choices you've made. Yeah. And although sometimes we do lie to ourselves, don't we? This has happened numerous of times again. Like, I've been, you know, that I've been really good this week.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

I don't know why. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That is so true. And the more that you make the boring, unsexy, consistent choices that are in your favour. And I know that not choosing the ice cream doesn't feel like it's in your favour at the time, but it really, it really is. It really is a celebration of you putting you and your health first. The more that you do it, the easier that it is, and the more you get to celebrate you and your health and your fitness and your vitality by making those wonderful choices for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Yeah, absolutely. So don't look at those before and after pictures and think, why don't I look like that? It's it's not about that result, it literally is about what is required to get there. And then you've got to look at what is required for me to get there.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

I agree, that individual element to it is so important.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Yeah.

Join The Community And Closing

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Love it. Well, good luck with that, everybody. If you want to come and tell us what your Individual goals are what your journey looks like. We would love to continue this chat in the far too fabulous Facebook group. Absolutely. See you on the next episode. Thank you so much for joining us today. We love creating this for you. We'll be back next week with another great episode.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

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SPEAKER_00 22:48

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SPEAKER_01 22:55

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SPEAKER_00 23:01

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