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Far 2 Fabulous
Join Catherine & Julie, your feisty hosts at Far 2 Fabulous, as they lead you on a wellness revolution to embrace your fabulousness.
Julie, a Registered Nutritional Therapist with over 20 years of expertise, and Catherine, a former nurse turned Pilates Instructor and Vitality Coach, blend wisdom and laughter seamlessly.
Off the air, catch them harmonising in their local choir and dancing to 80's hits in superhero attire. Catherine braves the sea for year-round swims, while Julie flips and tumbles in ongoing gymnastics escapades.
With a shared passion for women's health and well-being, they bring you an engaging exploration of health, life, and laughter. Join us on this adventure toward a more fabulous and empowered you!
Far 2 Fabulous
Women Lifting Women: How Supportive Circles Shape Our Wellbeing
Episode 67
The communities we create and join profoundly shape our health, happiness, and sense of self. Julie and Catherine explore this transformative power of human connection through their own experiences with various groups – from choir singing to wild swimming, motherhood circles to business networks.
They share their parallel journeys from identifying primarily with male friendships in their younger years to discovering the irreplaceable value of women's circles as they matured. The conversation weaves through touching anecdotes about how communities provide validation and support, particularly during challenging life transitions. One standout metaphor emerges from their choir experience – how initially chaotic learning sessions transform into goosebump-inducing harmony, mirroring how communities help us create something beautiful from collective effort.
The hosts don't shy away from addressing the flip side: isolation's devastating impact on mental and physical wellbeing. They discuss the intentionality required to build and maintain meaningful connections, referencing the adage that "you are the sum of the five people closest to you." This leads to thoughtful reflection on knowing when certain relationships have served their purpose, contrasted with those special friendships that can be instantly rekindled after years apart.
Perhaps most compelling is their passionate advocacy for women supporting women – creating spaces where authenticity and vulnerability are welcomed rather than judged. In a culture often focused on competition, they champion communities that empower rather than diminish.
Join our Facebook group to share your own community experiences! We'd love to hear which circles have transformed your life and help build our podcast community together.
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We look forward to you joining us on the next episode.
Welcome to Far Too Fabulous hosted by Julie and.
Speaker 2:Catherine, join us on a mission to embrace your fabulousness and redefine wellness. Get ready for some feistiness, inspiration, candy chats and humour as we journey together towards empowered wellbeing. Let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the podcast.
Speaker 2:I cannot do this intro now without you laughing at me you managed it. You managed it when you were well behaved, when we had a guest the other week.
Speaker 1:Yes, I know, but then that's because you couldn't interrupt me and it was just done, wasn't it? But now I've got this in my head about this newsreader thing of me introducing a podcast. Anyway, julie here introducing a podcast. Anyway, julie here introducing a podcast in the way that I do. Yeah, that's just how it is okay. So katherine and I today are going to talk about communities and the power that comes with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this was a little bit off the back of our podcast with Lindsay, and she was talking about having these, these groups of women around you to build you up and to just share your experiences with, as we would have done sort of years and years ago. I think community was far more of a thing. Obviously, when we were in like tribes and things, then community was very, very important. But I think even I'm kind of thinking back in like wartime kind of era that communities were really really important. In fact, they were essential for for people's survival, and so that made me think about the communities that I am a part of and and I guess some of them are specifically female communities.
Speaker 1:They're not all, but they're very, they're very important to me yeah, I think having women around you that are similar to you, that you can, you know, bounce ideas off of, and you pull each other up, I think it's, um, probably a very key part of being healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember when, uh, I joined NCT not to be confused with National Car Parks, national Childbirth Trust and the community that that gave me was far more important actually than what I learned about having my baby. Yeah, and we, I remember we used to just meet. We used to meet and we're very good, actually meet up every single week and you'd come into the cafe or the park or wherever and you'd be like my baby is doing this and you'd think that the baby was broken or that you'd done something wrong. And then every single person around that circle went oh my goodness, mine's doing it too, and like suddenly you were okay, everything's normal again. We've still got to deal with whatever this creature is doing, but it's normal and it was.
Speaker 1:It was such a support it was invaluable and you're still in touch with your NCT group aren't you I didn't have an NCT group, so where I lived, when I was having my kids, we didn't have it. We didn't have one, so we didn't get that. But I guess I made up for that by going to other classes and then you meet other mums and, yeah, it's so important, that is such an important phase in your life, to have other women around you, isn't it? Yeah?
Speaker 2:definitely, and I think that was probably one of the first times I'd really embraced it, because as a younger woman, I had this story about getting on better with men, and so when I was a teenager, lots of my friends were blokes who we used to hang around in a big group. And yeah, I had that. I had that story that I was better off within a group of men, and so it wasn't until I specifically needed that female support that I was able to embrace and feel the power of that.
Speaker 1:It's so interesting because I also had that similar experience. So I went to a mixed school. In fact, when I was at the mixed school, myself and my female friend actually got the rules change in school to allow the girls to do boys tech instead of girls tech and so even back then I was a bit of a rebel yeah because I wanted to do metal work and technical drawing and that was boys tech. Subjects at the time was Was it literally called boys tech?
Speaker 1:Yeah, boys tech and girls tech. Wow, because you know, you've got to remember how old I am. So, yeah, we got it changed so that we were able to do those subjects. But apart from that particular friend, the rest of our friends were boys. And I remember going to the careers office and saying when we were talking about jobs, saying that I didn't want to work in a female environment because I found it too, I wasn't a girl that did all the makeup and stuff. I didn't fit in with the girls, it didn't feel like I was very sporty and stuff, so I then went on to do construction. So it's interesting that I went from that mixed school with most of my friends were boys to an environment where I was pretty much the only girl, apart from the secretary on building sites. Yeah, that must have been pretty tricky, though. Hey, yeah, yeah it was. And it wasn't until later in my life that I realised the importance of having girlfriends yeah, of having girlfriends, yeah, yeah, no, that's, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking about the other communities now that I have created around me. Obviously I've got vitality rooms, which is my membership, that I have created, and, again off the back of what lindsey was talking about, I want to create like a joint mission statement because I think it's the, the vibe in there is what we're all looking for. It's supportive. We're all going in one direction to to be, to be well, to be fit, to be healthy and sort of the mental, mental, physical and spiritual aspects of that that we bring into it. I think it's going to be really important to actually get that put down on paper. So that really spurred me on for within that community. And then I've got well, obviously we've got choir.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've got choir, community and friends that we've got in choir and I think that when you sing together, there's something special about that. Anyway, I I mean the choir that we now sing at is getting bigger and bigger, so sometimes I feel like it loses that a little bit. But you've got your groups of people and there definitely is.
Speaker 2:You have got a community and doing something like singing, I think yeah, and I think with something like singing when you have to take yourself out of your comfort zone, yeah, to be able to do it, and so if you're going to become vulnerable with people you may not know, it leads to a stronger relationship with them yeah, and you're all doing.
Speaker 1:You're achieving the same thing, aren't you? Or going towards the same goal again. When you're doing something like that, especially, you notice it more when you start a new song, don't you? And you're all like none of you know what's going on. What is our part, what are our notes? Yeah, and then, as as you get into the practice and you start to know that song really well, then you may help others out who maybe don't know the part as well as you, or you get to listen to the other parts in the choir, and then you get that joint goal of when it all comes together. When it all comes together in a song, the feeling is it does give you the goosebumps, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and that collective feeling, like we're all feeling that together it's really, really powerful.
Speaker 1:And the sense of achievement you get, especially when it is a new song and the first time you sing it all the way through and then you've got it.
Speaker 2:Yes, you've nailed it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean a lot of the time we will clap at the end just because we're feeling so good. We do all clap automatically.
Speaker 2:We just clap to ourselves. We're like, oh my God we did that.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Clap, clap, cool. It's so funny. There's definitely a metaphor in there somewhere, because I was thinking about like the big in the first few weeks when it's an absolute car crash and no one knows what they're singing or like where it's gonna go, and it's about trusting that process. It's almost I I laugh all the way through those first couple of sessions because it it is funny how, how strong and wrong we can get it, yeah, and but knowing that it will all come together. That just reminds me I was thinking about that.
Speaker 2:I am totally off on a tangent now is uh, when I did my is when I did my long 20 mile training run back a couple of weeks ago. While I was doing that last little bit, I was absolutely dying. It was truly, truly horrible. And then the next day I remember thinking, oh my, my god, my body is amazing. I have just run from Walpole Bay to Seasalter and I am still walking just about. I'm amazing. And and if I could remember that through the last few kilometers that I was running, then that would really, really help me. And I often talk about being able to bottle up that feeling after you've worked out and then being able to take a little swig of that before you've got to work out would be really fantastic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'd be a millionaire you would how to combine the singing with what you've just said. The only time that I've ever run a half marathon, yeah, was when I was working in the construction industry. We had a construction industry half marathon at windsor park, nice, very freaking hilly at windsor park, by the way beautiful but myself and one of the site engineers, we were running together and whenever we were struggling which was quite frequently because it was really hard we would sing. I feel good, I knew that I would. Now. That is so powerful isn't it?
Speaker 2:It's so, so powerful. So when I was trying to take my mind off of running, I was reciting choir songs as I was running uh, which was quite good, and I used to do that with my triathlon training. I'd have my like bone conducting earphones or headset in so I could still hear the traffic. When I was cycling, and when I was relatively sure that I was out in the middle of the countryside, nobody could hear me, I would sing all of the choir songs as I was peddling around yeah, sing it out.
Speaker 1:I remember a while back I had to have an MRI scan and you know, you go into that tube and it's really like claustrophobic. I mean the the roof of that thing is just about a millimeter above your nose, right. Horrible, and I don't like that. I do get that claustrophobic feeling and so I, just before I went into the machine, I just closed my eyes and I did all my choir songs in my head and then I didn't even realize that I'd being pulled back out of the machine until the person they, they speak in your ears, don't they? I say you're all done now. You're all done now. So, oh, that went quick and I was in there for about 45 minutes. You lay there going.
Speaker 2:Now I've got one more song, one more song, just one more back in yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that has nothing to do with the community, but just made me think of that. No, absolutely.
Speaker 2:but this is, this is the power of becoming part of a community. It's all these other benefits that come to it. And so if you feel that you don't have very much of a community around you, you now get the opportunity to be really intentional about the people that you have around you, and I don't mean picky or judgy about the people, but just go and find your people. Yeah, because there are so many clubs and groups. You think about the Yarn Bombers and walking groups, walking groups, fitness groups they might not, they might not be your thing. You might want to book clubs, although I feel like book clubs are, uh, are getting a bit of a a reputation for being it's just drink and snacks, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2:wine and wine and nibbles, but I mean, if you know that's, that's fantastic too, and I I think probably with things like book clubs, I know lots of people set them up within, like within the road that you're living in, and that could have a whole host of different people that you may not normally have sat down with and just think about the experience that they could enrich your life with and you for them yeah, my parents moved to a new area.
Speaker 1:They moved to Norfolk a few years ago and when it was the Queen's Jubilee, my mum took it upon herself that she was going to organise a street party. Actually, they live on a new estate and they had this green area, yeah, and she didn't really. They didn't really know many people because it was. You know what it's like you move into a new place. People are just you know, they leave their house, they go back to their house and there's not much of that talking, even like the old-fashioned fences used to be much lower so you used to talk over the fence and things like that. That's kind of gone now.
Speaker 1:So my mum took it upon herself to I'm going to organize a jubilee party and invite everybody on the estate. And that's what she did and that actually created a really nice community within that new housing estate because people actually got to know each other and speak to each other and then be passing in the street going oh, you're at the party, we play games. I actually went up with my kids for that. My mum did a stellar job. I know it was a lot of hard work, but she managed to create a community out of nothing in that instance no, that's amazing, and that's that's the thing about being intentional about it, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I mean, it's lovely that she created this, this party, for everybody, but there was that kind of underlying thing that she wanted to create community for herself as well. Yeah, which is just I. Yeah, I love that I. When we moved back down to whitstable I so I'd never lived in whitstable as an adult I went running screaming out of this place at like 17 and a half years old, swearing never to come back again. So, yeah, so I come back as an adult going. No, actually it's quite nice place. I take it all back now. You don't like leaving, right?
Speaker 1:do you find that if you leave the bubble of whitstable yeah, you do, you miss it and you miss the sea and everything back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have to get back there and so I came back with all of the children, so they were a really great way of me being able to create communities yes um, I was part of the what's now called wits to all families on facebook was wits to all mummies or something like that, and we did actually used to meet in person and I was kind of that wasn't a way to to meet mummies and meet women basically.
Speaker 2:Um, that also and I was promoting my, my company at the time and and mark's company as well, so that was networking, was a was another way, so that's I didn't even write that down on my list and that's a huge place that I have a community. Is my networking group in, uh, that I run in whitstable business women unlimited, and that's very specific about business women that often work on their own. Yeah, being able to come to a community of other women that know exactly what they're talking about, because there are not very many people around me, particularly in my family, that are self-employed, that know what I'm talking about yeah, it's so true, and I do a similar thing with with my other nutritionist um colleagues.
Speaker 1:So because, again, we all we typically work by ourselves, for ourselves. We started to meet once a month and we still do, even though out of our group now only two of us still do nutrition. Yeah, everybody else has gone in different directions for various reasons, but we still meet and our group on our whatsapp group, is still called cabin fever. Yeah, because because of working from home and I think that's for me particularly that has got even worse since covid, because people don't come in person now, yeah, and I only see them on the screen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know you could easily go all day without seeing anybody apart from being on the screen yeah, and that is so important, and I I know that it's so much more convenient to meet somebody on zoom or have a telephone conversation or a whatsapp messaging backwards and forwards, but actually being able to sit in person with a human being and have a conversation is invaluable really, isn't it?
Speaker 1:yeah, it is one of the things I like about living in whitstable and being in these communities like choir etc. Is that you probably find this. There is no way that I can go from my house into town and not see someone I know yeah, absolutely you must experience that as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my poor sister experiences that if we're out on a run and she now says no, she can't talk and she drags me by, otherwise we will be stopping every five minutes or so yeah, I do find having a dog as well does this.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, because, like my husband, when he came back this morning, he said to oh he listed off, but he didn't list off people, though he listed off the dog's names.
Speaker 1:The dog's names yeah, exactly, but again, it's a community, like. We noticed that one of the elderly guys that we always see walking on the beach suddenly wasn't walking on the beach. So then we bumped into some other people we know and said we haven't seen john for a while, is everything all right? And they said, oh yes, he's just, he's had a hip replacement and you know. But you get that check-in, don't you? And you get that. You know people making sure you're okay. Yeah, it's not actually nice, isn't it? Yeah?
Speaker 2:absolutely it's, and it's, yeah, it is so important. It's lovely you're talking about that cabin fever, which is really interesting. The, the obviously the flip side to communities is isolation, isn't it? And the the devastation that that has on your, on your mental health, on your physical health?
Speaker 1:yeah, isn't. Isn't it like one of the top causes of death?
Speaker 2:now, yes, yeah absolutely and and I think that, yeah, things like covid have really ramped that up.
Speaker 1:People have got very comfortable with just being on their own and maybe don't see the value in, because sometimes it's put it takes a bit of effort I was going to say it does take effort and it is easy to just stay within your family circle, yeah, and not put yourself out there, for sure yeah, and and on the with the rise of things like anxiety and depression, that's your default, isn't it to just sort of cocoon yourself yeah, and not have to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, put that effort in. And I know I remember when I was very anxious that it took a lot of effort to to even think about going and meeting people, let alone while you were there, and all you wanted to do was just get home as fast as you possibly could, back to the safety, safe place. Yeah, and I had to force myself to do that lots and lots and lots, and eventually it doesn't feel like you're forcing yourself anymore. And if you are within a, in a circle of friends where it feels comfortable to be vulnerable and be yourself and be able to even speak those things out loud, that is a huge part of that healing process. Yeah, yeah, it really is. And so another thing, julie, you just mentioned as well is is when you have, you've created, so you've created this circle or you've got these friends.
Speaker 2:The idea is it's that old saying, isn't it? Surround yourself with the people that you want to most become like. Oh, no, one of the great things about being intentional about the circles that you create is that you are the sum. How does the saying go? You are the sum of the five people that are closest to you you spend the most amount of time with yeah. So to be intentional about the people that you are with is actually really, really important. And then we were then talking about, on the flip side of that, how important it is, potentially, if somebody is not good for you, to be able to let them go.
Speaker 1:Or you've had someone come into your life for a specific reason and it's been a benefit to both of you, so it's a mutual thing thing. But then that person is going in a different direction and you've got to be able to let go, yeah, if that happens, because it doesn't mean just because you've made a friend or a connection, that that is now forever, because things do change and evolve, don't they?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think maybe it's, um, it's, perhaps it's an ego thing, isn't it, to just keep battling a friendship because you don't they, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think maybe it's, um, it's, perhaps it's an ego thing, isn't it, to just keep battling a friendship because you don't want it to to sort of disappear and you think that maybe that's a reflection on on you as a friend yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You can always make it say things about yourself in a negative way, can't you? Yeah but just sometimes people come into your life for a specific reason and you helped each other out at that time and then you both just go in a different way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's fine yeah, and I think that's it's making the decision, that it's that it's okay to sort of let that, let that friendship fizzle out, or I think I do love, though, the friendships that you can literally just pick up even years down the line.
Speaker 1:I love those ones.
Speaker 2:They're so brilliant. I've got a friend of mine, Holly, who our parents were friends. So we've been friends since I was probably well, probably since I was born, really and I've got amazing memories of when we were really young just we I lived on a the back of a farming estate and so we had like a ride on a lawnmower and we had motorbikes and all those sorts of things and I just remember just riding around on these things just singing our heads off, and I think probably that cemented our relationship forever and ever it was never gonna, it was never gonna not be in our lives, and obviously so I live down there, um, down here now in Whitstable.
Speaker 2:This was down in Hereford. I believe she's back in in Hereford now and when I'm down there, I, you know, send her a message and say are you around? And we catch up. And it's, yeah, as if we've never left each other. And it could easily be like two, three, four, five years at a time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those are nice relationships. I've got some like that, where you don't see someone for ages and you just slot back in. Don't you Just slot back in, don't you? Yeah, just slot back in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's lovely no, it's really, really, really. Oh, it's just, yeah, it's just lovely. So, thinking about things about maintaining the relationship because we've talked about it it is it does take some work and it is a give and take kind of thing to be able to maintain these relationships.
Speaker 1:I liked when we were talking to Lindsay that she spoke about. She spoke specifically about women and it doesn't necessarily need to be women but it certainly, I think, does help, especially as we get older, that we do have those women's circles to help us out and, and for us to help them as well, is that that women supporting women and building that community so that you can just be your authentic self within that environment?
Speaker 2:yeah, because there is a danger amongst women to tear people down to gossip, to bitch that sort of thing, and I think that's become part of our culture. It's not the norm now to support and build women up and I don't know I don't know whether that it's it's fed through. I've probably fed through our insecurities, fueled by things like social media, that we yeah, that we don't come together and we don't build ourselves up. It's probably. Let's go right back to being witches, shall we, being in those women's circles, being a force to be reckoned?
Speaker 1:with. It's a threat yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:And then being torn down. And so now, for fear of being burnt at the stake, we don't come together. I think maybe there's a huge oversimplification, but you get the idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one of my absolute favorite communities that I'm in is the adult gymnastics one. Talking about supporting people yeah, when you go to a competition as an adult and you're up against people from other clubs, you're obviously competitive because you, you know, you're working hard and you want to win that gold medal or whatever it is. You still get all the support and you will still like, if somebody beats you, you don't even care. In a way, you're just so happy for them.
Speaker 1:So well you're just so happy for them and the amount of support. I mean I posted up a video a while ago when I was doing a move that was important. Uh, hadn't done for a while because I've been injured the cheering in the background from the people that I was competing against was incredible and that is really for me, shows. It's for me within that community is women, because we are doing women's gymnastics.
Speaker 2:Women supporting women is so just, it's so lovely, I wonder if that's the thing about groups that are formed through physical activity, with Parkrun and with and I'm part of Junior Parkrun's community as well there is and that's obviously it's a mixture of men and women, but the support and the enthusiasm that goes on in those circles is just wonderful and it's across the board. It doesn't matter if you're young, if you're old, if you're male, if you're female, if you're fit or if you're unfit. The, the cheering on through that community is just fantastic I have heard this about park run.
Speaker 1:I'm tempted to give it a try.
Speaker 2:You heard it but my only concern about it is that I'm just not someone who likes running I, I only like running in park run, honestly, like through lockdown, and you think that would be an amazing time to go out and and run everywhere. I, honestly, I think I went out and ran twice. I love it's the community that gets me out doing it. Yeah, and it doesn't. I keep trying to encourage my mum to come down and just watch park run, because the array of different people there is just incredible. There are, I mean, there are people that walk faster than I run. Yeah, there are people that are the same age as my mum, tina. I am talking about you absolute machine. Honestly.
Speaker 2:I struggled so hard to catch up with her last week and then the dog decided that she needed to go to the toilet and it took me another two and a half kilometers to catch back up with her again. Honestly, it's just and I just admire some of these people, some of these people that come back from injury or operations and they've now introduced park walk so you can walk, you don't have to run and there's always somebody at the tail so you're never the last person. I guarantee you would not be anywhere near the last person. You'd be nowhere near the back there. It's just, yeah, such a supportive community and another really supportive community. I would love for you to join and I don't know if we can get um you're talking about the swimming yes, we set up the bubble tits, blue tits in whitstable and this was in lockdown as well.
Speaker 2:See, I mean as much as we curse covid, there were definitely some good things that have come out of it, and this community is now I think we're like 2.2, 2.3 000 people, wow, uh, within our community, and then within that there are groups that will very, very regularly meet up for a swim and that collective. I don't know if it's that shock of that. What like, what are we doing? And it's everybody says the same. Every single time as you're walking in, they're like, oh my god, what are we doing? Why?
Speaker 1:are we doing this?
Speaker 2:yeah, and then you're in and you're like, oh my goodness, this is amazing and you can feel everything just sort of calms back down again. And then when we're back out and we're warmed up again, that and, and it's again, it's like your community with the dog walkers.
Speaker 2:People look out for you think, oh, we haven't seen so, and so for a little while, or even if someone doesn't go swimming, they come and sit on the beach with us and again, that's. It's definitely there are more women within that. There aren't as many men, but it's that supportive community, it's just.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful okay, how are we gonna? How are we gonna finish up this episode today?
Speaker 2:I don't know, let's just keep talking about lovely people and I just I. I think the the message that I would love for people to come away with, and the message that I want to really nail down into myself, is the building up, specifically in women's circles. Yes, the building up is the supporting, is the empowering, is the allowing people to be themselves and allowing people to be vulnerable or just yeah, just whatever they are, and that you love and support and champion them, no matter what yeah lovely that was a good round out, wasn't it?
Speaker 1:it was really, really nice, and then you also get the benefits through your health and everything as well. It's a win-win, isn't it you were yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:The endorphins, the, the mental boost, um, and I think you can't underestimate being able to be yourself all of the time and and have people that will just love and accept you, warts and all yeah well, as we always say, please do come into the facebook group and tell us what communities you're in well, because it's a good community yes, there's another one.
Speaker 2:Help us build that community, because that is our contact with you guys. Like we, we talk at a microphone here and we, we hope that you we hear, that, you hear us, but it would be really, really lovely to have that interaction with you and really build that community. I would, I would adore that. Yeah, me too. So see you there. Yes, thank you for keeping us company today.
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