Far 2 Fabulous

The Values Exercise: Aligning Resolutions with Core Values

Julie Clark & Catherine Chapman Episode 51

The episode focuses on the exploration of personal values as a crucial step towards achieving New Year's resolutions and improving overall wellness. Julie and Catherine guide listeners through an engaging values exercise that unveils the importance of aligning life goals with core values for a more fulfilling existence.

• The challenges of post-holiday restoration and the need for routine 
• Importance of identifying core values in achieving goals 
• Downloadable PDF resource for personal values exercise 
• Picking and prioritising values to understand personal significance 
• The impact of values on decision-making and life choices 
• Encouragement for community sharing of insights and findings

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For more information about Catherine Chapman, click HERE

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Far Too Fabulous hosted by Julie and.

Speaker 2:

Catherine, join us on a mission to embrace your fabulousness and redefine wellness. Get ready for some feistiness, inspiration, candy chats and humour as we journey together towards empowered well-being. Let's dive in Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to Far Too Fabulous the first podcast of 2025. Yay, happy New Year. Happy New Year. We hope that you had a fabulous festive period and are raring to get back on with the New Year. I think that's everybody just kind of has a bit bit of a lull, don't they?

Speaker 1:

for most people, for about a week or so I am so pleased that this year that the kids are not going back to school today, because last year they went back to school on the 2nd of January and it was absolutely brutal.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if yours did, but they finished early and then you had that you didn't know what to do with them leading up till Christmas yeah because they just couldn't wait till Christmas, yeah, and then it was done and then they were back to school and everyone was just not back into a routine. It was awful. I remember it was awful last time?

Speaker 2:

no, exactly, and that's the hard thing, isn't it about the whole? Like we're going to talk about, uh, new year's resolutions a little bit, but that whole thing about the first of January everybody is still almost recovering from, from Christmas and from New Year, and that first and second of the of the year is is really no time to do it. Nobody's in any fit state to do anything. Let Len go back to school.

Speaker 1:

Bless them yeah, exactly so I'm. I'm liking the fact that there's a few days before the routine kicks in, and we've spoken about routines before, haven't we, and how we like not having them, but then, when we haven't had them for a little while, we then want them back don't we?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it is annoying how much I survive on that routine. I can't wait to get it all back again. I'm actually reading the 5am club and I'm sure I've said this before. At the moment, I've no intention of getting up at 5am, no. However, it's really interesting. As I'm reading this, you can see all the patterns emerge as to what it helps unfold through the rest of the day, when you've been so intentional right at the beginning of the day the rest of the day when you've been so intentional right at the beginning of the day?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I think we both agree that being intentional at the beginning of the day is vital. Yeah, to how we set ourselves up. For sure, if I don't do that in the morning, it has a ripple effect of everything seems to not go quite right yeah, no, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

So. What we thought we would talk about today or actually do we're going to do a values exercise and we're going to make it possible for you to do it along with us. You need to go into the Far Too Fabulous Facebook group, and all of what we're talking about is available in there. So come and play along with us, and we're actually going to do it.

Speaker 1:

Whilst we're recording, this exercise helps us to decide what our core values are yeah, we've all got a level of values, that a number of values that we live our life by, and we don't always know what they are.

Speaker 1:

It's only when you start doing an exercise like this. I always find that when I do this with my clients or my groups, it's a way to know yourself better and, with it being you know the new year and people thinking about New Year's resolutions. We've got our own views on New Year's resolutions being not a great thing to do if you've got that all or nothing approach and you put so much pressure on yourself and all of those kind of things. But it is a time, I think, of reflection. You think about where you were this time last year, what you wanted to achieve, and you may have some goals for yourself for 2025, and there's nothing wrong with that. But until you know your values, you can't necessarily fully understand how you can go about achieving those goals, because you want to be in alignment to make life easy. So if you're someone that's always tried to do these things and wondered, why do I always fail, this exercise is going to be really eye opening, I think.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because often, whenever I've done this, they're not the values that you think they're going to be, because often we think that the values that we hold the dearest are things that have been dictated to us by everybody else. We think that we should hold things like family, maybe, as our top value, and just because it's maybe value number two or three or four doesn't mean that it is not of value to you.

Speaker 2:

It is just not the thing that drives you yeah, the very very most, and so when you can look at your news, resolutions or your goals, or whatever you want to label them as, when you can look at it, knowing what really drives you, and that you can use that, you're on the winning foot already.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because it just makes life easy if you're achieving or aiming for your goal in alignment with your values.

Speaker 2:

And that's okay. For it to be easy, can we just remind us it doesn't have to be hard. You don't feel like you've like to win these goals, you don't. You don't feel like you're pushing I don't know, a boulder uphill in treacle with wellies.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we don't want to do that. So in the far too fabulous facebook group I'm going to be putting in a pdf which has got a list of all the values. Now there might be a value on there that really resonates with you, or there might not be a value on there that resonates with you. You can add your own in. So if you see something in there and I can't think of any off the top of my head that aren't on because it's quite an extensive list if there's anything on there that you really do know deep down that that's how you live your life, then just add your own value. But there's basically a PDF with three pages of values on there.

Speaker 1:

So core beliefs, and what you're aiming to do is to look at that list and you pick 10 that really resonate with you. You don't want to overthink it. You don't want to be thinking about, oh, what Sansa should think I should pick, or whatever it is, the stories that you've got in your head. You're literally going to take a quiet moment, look at the words and pick any that you have a slight feeling about, and it doesn't matter if there's more than 10 initially, because you're going to whittle them down to 10. But you're going to end up with 10 left on a sheet of paper, and then we'll explain to you what you need to do after that through other people's ideas.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, go with your gut feeling. Maybe just go through the list immediately and just cross off or circle the things that like really spark your interest, or absolutely they can go in the bin, you don't care about them at all and and go from there and we're going to do the same right now. Yes, we are. Wow, that was much harder than I thought it was going to be yeah, so the document.

Speaker 1:

When you go into the Facebook group and you download the document or print off the pdf, it's got a lot of words on there and a lot of words you're going to resonate with, but there's going to be a lot that you don't straight away. You're going to cross those off and then you'll get left with probably about 15 16, and you've got to get it down to 10 or 30 in my case did you have 30?

Speaker 2:

so I crossed off the ones that definitely didn't resonate with me at all, which I thought were going to be a lot more, and that didn't. So that didn't quite work as I'd planned it, and so then what I did was went through and ticked any that really sparked an interest, and so that's when I got it down to 30. That was easier that way, actually, and then, as you just witnessed, I've just had to whittle it down. I couldn't. I got it down to 11, and then I've had to really really fight for the for the last one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's so fascinating because just like looking at your words. So once you've got your 10 words, what you want to do is to get some post-it notes just a pad of standard size post-it notes and write each one of your words on a separate post-it note and then just lay them out in front of you and just have a look and see what words you've got there and then think about your life and what you like doing, where you've had your struggles, and look at that list. I think it is so eye-opening, just already isn't it?

Speaker 2:

and already the stories that I am, I'm deciding because I've looked at these words. I like I'm already making up about myself because these are the words I've I down and then trying to decide which one I was going to take away and what that meant about me. Yeah, I mean, these are nobody else's words. No, and I can change them. Yes, you can. Why was that so difficult?

Speaker 1:

It is because I think that you feel like if you give away a word, yeah, and it's what other people's idea of you is, yeah, or what you think you should be, or whatever you you've experienced in your life, that's tied to that word. Yeah, it's so fascinating, amazing. So what are we doing next then? Okay, so this is where the fun starts. So if you have not done your 10 words, you need to stop listening now, because it will spoil it for you, because if you listen to what's happening next and you haven't done your 10 words, you won't be able to do the 10 words in the same way. It will make sense when you get here. But for those of you that have taken the time and it's not long, how long did it take us? Five minutes, yeah, five, ten minutes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, five or ten minutes just to go through these words and come up with your ten words. And this is supposed to be fun and you just knowing yourself. Yeah, it doesn't mean that these ten words say anything else about you or that they're set in stone.

Speaker 2:

That's not what it is. We're not etching these in your tombstone or or anything like that, like you'd think that I was thinking with writing the words on the post-it notes, just then.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what we're going to do is I'm going to ask a series of questions and we are going to select one of our 10 words, our 10 values, our core beliefs, to give up oh no, we've got to give more up yeah, and we're going to go through these questions and each time you're going to have to give up a value, okay, and what you want to do is you want to kind of lay them over each other, because what you're doing is you're putting your values in the order of their importance, okay, and then, when we get to the end of the exercise, it will start to make sense what you can do with this valuable information.

Speaker 2:

Okay I'm gonna, I'm also gonna, I'm gonna change that as well, and I'm not gonna. I'm gonna remind myself that we're putting them now in order, but I'm not actually giving up any of these values. They're not leaving me okay.

Speaker 1:

So my first question to you is I want you to think about something in the past that you wish you could take back or change. Maybe you hurt someone, maybe it was something you did, maybe it was something you regret, something in the past that you would like to change, and I can change that for you. But you've got to give up one of your values to me. You've got to pay the price in one of your values.

Speaker 2:

Oh my goodness me, do you have any examples that you could either come to your mind straight away?

Speaker 1:

yeah. So one of the things for me is that I had a friend and we had a falling out and I did not deal with that very well and even now, even though this is years later, even now, I often think about the way that I handled that and it makes me think about handling things in a different way. So I would like to go back and have that situation changed, because it's had a knock-on effect that has affected me.

Speaker 2:

And so when that magic wand gets waved, what word you're giving up?

Speaker 1:

I'm not sure yet no, I'm not sure yet it could have been. So again, I'm like talking about my own experiences. So again, um, back in back in my life, when I think about certain situations that I'd gotten myself into, that I knew I shouldn't have gotten myself into that situation in the first place, but I did. Maybe I want to go back and change that. Maybe I told a big fat lie that has just stayed with me and I think why did I do that at the time? Something along those lines maybe someone you hurt hurt, maybe you hurt yourself, whatever it is, and you're going to have that taken back and changed now would I change?

Speaker 2:

um, I always said that after I'd finished my nursing qualification, I was going to be a nurse on a cruise ship.

Speaker 1:

Oh were you now yeah.

Speaker 2:

Okay, and I didn't ever go off and do that, so I think that I might like to rectify that.

Speaker 1:

I still might like to.

Speaker 2:

I don't know about nursing on a cruise ship, but I still might like to rectify some sort of working abroad in some respect in the future at some point. Well, that's a good goal to have. Okay, now you want me to give up a word, don't you remember? I'm not giving it up, I'm just putting it at the bottom of the pile. Yep, at the bottom of the pile.

Speaker 2:

This is a difficult one, right, I've done mine. Pick one. Well, I'm gonna. I might take a picture of them and you can see them. But I'm going to pick experience, which almost went just now, and you'll be surprised to know. I'll let you know. You'll be surprised to know that the number 11 on my list was wellbeing, and I actually put that in room 101. And I put money on my list instead. One of the reasons is that I know that money is important to me and I also know that I try and hide that. So it's really, it's so. It's interesting that I really struggled with that, whereas I feel like, oh, it's really, I was going to say, whereas I think wellbeing is, it's just in and amongst absolutely everything that I've got on this list. It's in there with the joy, with the energy, with the empowerment, with the connection with the nature and with the experience I love that you're justifying.

Speaker 2:

I'm just giving up your world, it's there so, um, so the next one I was thinking about was experience. Um, so that one is going to be my, my, that's your number one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay, right now, imagine that you've got a really big decision to make. Maybe you want to move house, maybe you want to change jobs, maybe you want to have a um, I don't know. Maybe, if you're of that age, you want to have another baby. Whatever it is, dear god.

Speaker 1:

No, but yes, okay, a big decision and you want to make sure that that decision is right, not just for you, but for everybody that will be impacted by that. Yeah, so I'm going to make that decision easy and the correct one for you, but you've got to give me a value okay, so, so the the decision I was thinking of then was actually, I'd love to move somewhere in the sun.

Speaker 2:

I'd love, I'd love a place in the sun. Um, actually, if you could just move us all, that would be great.

Speaker 1:

Um, oh my god it's really funny watching you do the exercise, because I am very decisive and I'm just, I'm just like looking when I was going through the list I'm like no, no, no, no, no, oh, I've got those ones left. No, no, yes, keep that, keep that. I'm coming at it from a completely different way to you. You're like agonizing over this word. It's really funny like this is like my world depends on it and this is going to get harder as you go through these questions. I know this is worse.

Speaker 2:

This is really hard, right? Okay, I'm going to stop thinking so hard about it. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do, which is what I told you to do in the first place yeah, because actually what you want is, you don't want it to be a logical.

Speaker 1:

You know, that is it left brain or right brain?

Speaker 2:

right, right brain yeah right brain is the logical one I mean that probably feel always feels wrong.

Speaker 1:

I feel like the left brain should be like the creativity, yes, but it's the opposite one. You're right, it shouldn't be the logical part of your brain. This should be coming from a different place.

Speaker 2:

Yes, this should be my subconscious kicking in. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, next question you ready, Okay, okay. So we've got a lot of environmental disasters going on at the moment. Yeah, we've got a lot of issues, but I can sort all this out, I can solve this environmental crisis, but you've got to give me one of your values. Is your name elon musk? Oh, no we're not political on here. I forget julie clark and I can do anything.

Speaker 2:

Yes with elon musk's money. Oh, oh see, I'm doing it already. Scan over.

Speaker 1:

Pick one straight away. Yeah, right, okay, okay. Next question yeah, so I know how to stop all the wars and make everybody, everybody, kind. I believe you. Yes, what value you're going to give me for that? What's that worth to you?

Speaker 2:

oh my god, see, that's that. Does it have to be in connection to how much I think that that question's important as well? You're?

Speaker 1:

overthinking it Okay.

Speaker 2:

I'm thinking it again. Okay, all right, all right, next one, there we go. Done it's in the pile, okay.

Speaker 1:

Right Next question. So I want you to think about someone you love deeply. And if you've got more than one child. You now need to pick your favourite. I've always got a favourite. Yeah, so this person I can grant the most amazing life. Oh so you've got to give me one of your values for that.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, selling my soul to the devil in there.

Speaker 1:

Okay, good, okay. So I'm going to give you a million pounds yes, please, but you've got to give me one of your values. Okay, right, there we go. I've give you a million pounds yes, please, but you've got to give me one of your values.

Speaker 2:

Okay, right, there we go. I've done it. I'm really.

Speaker 1:

Ironically, it was money from a million pounds, yeah, okay, so now I have a very special tablet that you're going to swallow, and it's going to keep you healthy and young okay, I'd really like that one, although we'd be well out of a job. Yes, this is true although if we were the creators of that, then that would be a different story to be honest. We are already the creators of that this is true.

Speaker 2:

It's just not as easy as swallowing a tablet.

Speaker 1:

It's not as easy as swallowing a tablet, but I think it's more fun. I mean, what else would you?

Speaker 2:

be doing. Give me one if he values all right then you can have see. Look, I knew that the three that I wrote in capital letters first thing was still going to be there. Oh, you can have that one right, yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

Last question Mm-hmm. There's a recession coming, it's going to be a disaster, another one, okay, but I'm going to stop it.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yay, I know how to stop it. Yay for Julie, come on.

Speaker 1:

So what have you got? What are you going to give up? Okay it's gone, it's done Okay. Okay, it's gone, it's done okay. So you should have two left. You got two left. Yeah, I've got two left. Okay, I want you to look at those and I just want you to put those in the order of your importance okay, there we go.

Speaker 1:

That was actually the easiest one ever okay, so you're left with your pile of 10 values that are now in order. Okay, your top one is the one that drives everything. Okay. So whenever you're not in that top one and we talk about what our top ones are, because it's important, especially yours, because yours is very relevant If you're not living in alignment with the first one, it impacts the second one and further down, and you will start to see it because we'll have a look in a minute. So your top value is love. Yeah, but that's not just about giving love.

Speaker 2:

No, that is receiving love, and that is loving yourself, definitely leading with it, having it at the center of everything, everything yeah, everything.

Speaker 1:

So when you think about love and you're going about your daily, you know your daily tasks, and whether that is when you choose to put something in your body that isn't love, yeah, then you're out of alignment and it's really interesting actually, because when I am seriously in my head about stuff, I am not leading with love, I am leading with everything other than that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and and that's when you feel like you're kind of, again you're going, you're pushing a boulder up a treacle-covered hill in welly boots.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So if you think about any potential New Year's resolution or let's call it a goal or an intention that you've got for this year and you think about that, it's got to come from a place of love for you, yeah. Otherwise you're not going to get there.

Speaker 2:

So really interesting that we were talking about that. Money is within my values, and often I have got a story that they are not in alignment, that money and love are not in alignment. And for me this year I've got big financial goals. I need them. I do need to make some serious money, and often I've got the story that you can't. It's like a social story, isn't it? It's the whole money. You know, money is the root of all evil. Kind of thing is that I know that a value of mine is love and and I feel like that doesn't sometimes align with money, and that's a whole story that needs to be unpicked.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's another story. So my top value is energy. Yeah, and I always find that interesting because as we're going through that exercise, it's there in the corner. I'm not willing to give that up for anything no I've been off my family about halfway down.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, this values list. Yeah, because I cannot support my family yeah, be my authentic self for my family if my energy isn't there. Yeah, and so energy is incredibly important. So, again, when I'm thinking about things that I'm currently doing, or particularly in 2024, there was some difficulties with work. In particular, it, the energy was missing. Yeah, because it was too heavy. Yeah, aspects of my work were too heavy, yeah, and weren't. I wasn't in my energy. When I'm in my energy, it's dead easy, yeah, and so when I'm delivering things to groups of people and I'm in my energy, it just spills out of me, and I know that as a fact.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, definitely, and again, that's so you were saying about the different aspects of love. For you it's a different aspect. So is it a like, is it a playful energy? Is it an informative energy? Is it an empowering energy?

Speaker 1:

It's those words that go with it. It's fun because that's my second value. Yeah, it's those, those other words that go with it. It's fun because that's my second value. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, so I have to have an aspect of fun in that energy. So when that energy gets pulled down and it's not fun, I'm out of alignment.

Speaker 2:

And boy do I feel it and that's what you said, wasn't it that this first word directly impacts your second?

Speaker 1:

word. What's your second?

Speaker 2:

word, my second word's energy energy yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And that's, and it's the same for you, isn't it? If your, if your energy is low or it's not in the right place, then that whole fun element, yeah, uh, just isn't happening is it no?

Speaker 1:

and then my third one is freedom.

Speaker 2:

Oh see, I did I saw freedom and, yeah, I love that one. That's one of my favorites as well. It didn't make the list, funnily enough.

Speaker 1:

Joy is my third one yeah, so I I had a little bit of hesitancy with the word joy and fun. Yeah, because I had them both on my list initially, but I let joy go and I kept fun. I couldn't really tell you why, because I love joy and it has a slightly different aspect to it I suppose. Yeah, I know I agree, but fun has always been a big one for me I have to have fun in what I'm doing and that gives me energy and freedom.

Speaker 1:

For me is huge, and I've I've always known that there's been that element of rebel and wanting to be free and do what I want throughout my life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but boy did that kick in in the last four or five years yeah, in a big way, and so I think, as we get to this sort of age, less shits are given, aren't they? Yeah, and you get to, I don't know. There is a. There's always a huge element of self-discovery and you start realizing that you can make your own decisions and you don't have to decide based on someone else's lens exactly yeah, so this is a really valuable exercise.

Speaker 1:

So when you're looking at yours and you all have different words and you're thinking about what you want to achieve, if one of your highest values was like me, was fun, and you're looking to improve your fitness, yeah, but for you, going to the gym is like me, is boring oh my god, the amount of times I've mentioned this boring. And oh, anyway, if that is you, you've got to find your fitness from a different source, one that is fun, yeah, one that aligns with you, and then you will discover that it's so easy to improve your fitness when you're having fun yeah, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 2:

You get to think outside the box. And again, it doesn't have to be anything traditional. It could be that you, just you don't. You add a bike ride between your house and the shops, or your house and work or something. It doesn't have to be something as structured as going to the gym or going to a class or joining vitality rooms. It doesn't have to be as structured as that it could.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, just so long as you're dancing around your kitchen. Yeah, to your favorite song it's. There's so many different ways that you can improve your fitness whilst having fun. Yeah, really really important.

Speaker 2:

Have you got any big goals? This?

Speaker 1:

year. That's a really good question and I haven't had the time to sit and be quiet in order for that to kind of filter through. Sit and be quiet in order for that to kind of filter through. In fact, my husband asked me on the dog walk the other day you know what? What your aims for 2025? Because I usually have a whole load of things I'm really intending to aim to achieve, but I haven't really got a whole load of plans formulated at the moment. What about you?

Speaker 2:

yeah, no, I mean I'm on a sort of path, business-wise, that sort of started in from the middle of the year to september with my, my membership, so that I'm I'm kind of in the middle of, so I don't need to start anything new, particularly with that. But it's interesting what you said, the fact that you haven't had time to sit and really think about it, and that is so important. I really think we underestimate that. Sitting quietly with yourself and doing nothing, like again in, we have talked about this so much.

Speaker 2:

There is so much noise like the devices, the televisions, the, the radios, the husband yeah, exactly, there is so much, so much to distract us that we don't have to think about these things. Also, I think there's, um, like a guilt kind of thing about sitting and doing nothing. I mean, how very dare we? But it's so important. It's the only time that we get to really get in touch with what it is that we, we want, and sometimes that takes a little while and we don't give that to ourselves. So I think that that's a really important thing to give ourselves and I would like to give myself that gift, uh, over the next, I mean hopefully over the next few days, before we really really kick off, but certainly going to schedule it for the end of January.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have to be a decision to make on the 1st of January or anything, does it? I think it's nice to have some direction, something that you're aiming for, even if it's just things like. One of the things we do as a family normally on New Year's Day is to write a list of things that everybody wants to do, and then we look back at the list that we made last year and we see what we did, yeah, and it's always really nice to go oh, oh, we did that, we did that, we did that and that's yeah. I like doing that exercise, and the other thing I like to do is have a word of the year oh, love that. And then again setting my intention around whatever that word is. So last year it was simplification. How can I simplify things? Whatever was, going on.

Speaker 2:

I'm just impressed. You can say that quite honestly.

Speaker 1:

I'm impressed too, especially after the last few episodes where my brain wasn't firing properly at all. Yeah, so I like to have a word that you kind of anchor back to. Yeah, and then it just reminds you when, again, when you're doing things and you're thinking to yourself, wow, this is hard, yeah, you're the one that's made it hard. So then you get to go oh, anchor back to my word, I was going to simplify things this year. What do I need to do? Do to simplify what I'm currently doing?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and if you need some clues with your words, just go through your values. Yeah, because I mean it could be that it's fun that you want, or again, love could be my main words and just remind myself to just bring it back to that every single time.

Speaker 1:

In fact, I think that might be it. I think love might be the word of the of 2025. Yeah, I like it. It's a good word. Yeah, it's a very high vibrating, energetic word isn't it? Yeah, yeah, definitely, and it can mean so many like different things yeah, so please come into the facebook group far too fabulous and tell us what you discovered about yourself, what words you came up with, yeah, if you fancy sharing them with us.

Speaker 1:

We would love to know, because we're nosy we are, but I I'm hoping that people will do this exercise and learn something about themselves yeah, it's always really really interesting.

Speaker 2:

Try not to judge it like I was all the way through and uh, yeah, enjoy yeah, enjoy it, let us know thank you for keeping us company today. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

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Speaker 1:

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