Far 2 Fabulous

Are You Singing Or Are You Breathing

Julie Clark & Catherine Chapman Episode 45

Have you ever found yourself speeding through life, only to be stopped in your tracks by a sudden cold or flu? That's exactly what happened to me, and it was a not-so-gentle reminder that sometimes, we need to pause and breathe rather than just sing at the top of our lungs. This week's episode of Far Too Fabulous is inspired by a beautiful story from Jay Shetty about a choir's harmonious performance, serving as a metaphor for achieving balance in our hectic lives. We dive into why it's crucial to intersperse moments of rest with our busy routines, especially now as the holiday chaos approaches.

Feeling "high functioning sick" is a reality that many of us, especially women juggling multiple roles, face every day. We unpack this concept by comparing it to being a "high functioning alcoholic"—seemingly fine on the outside but battling significant health issues beneath the surface. Through personal anecdotes and observations from our own family histories, we highlight the importance of genuine downtime and social connections. It's all about finding those precious moments of rest amid the madness of our schedules, and we hope our stories inspire you to do the same.

Shifting gears, we explore how the brain's capacity for deep thinking impacts our professional lives. By balancing intense mental tasks with creative breaks—like a beach walk or even a favorite song—we can enhance productivity and stave off burnout. We also touch on how these insights can help cultivate creativity in children, reminding us of the joy and importance of creativity. As we aim to empower a thousand women with our podcast, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with your friends. Let's take this journey together and embrace living fabulously while keeping our wellness front and center.

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We look forward to you joining us on the next episode.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Far Too Fabulous hosted by Julie and Catherine, join us on a mission to embrace your fabulousness and redefine wellness. Get ready for some feistiness, inspiration, candy chats and humour as we journey together towards empowered wellbeing.

Speaker 1:

Let's dive in. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. We're back together. Yay, it's been a while, hasn't it? Even trying to get this scheduled in today was a bit of a mission, wasn't it? Absolutely, bonkers. So, we're now recording this podcast when I should actually be cooking dinner and you should probably be getting ready for your class. I should be eating something.

Speaker 2:

I should be eating your dinner. It smelled lovely already, and you've barely started.

Speaker 1:

I'm making a vegetable lasagna, so yeah, one of the household favourites. Anyway, we're going off on a tangent already and we haven't even really got started. So this week I was telling Catherine that I had listened to an episode of Jay Shetty, which I always do in the morning, so as part of my morning routine. He does on the car map. He does like a seven minute meditation, thought of the day, and I was listening to him only a few days ago and he was talking about going to see this choir and of course my ears pricked up because we like a choir.

Speaker 2:

I don't like a choir.

Speaker 1:

So my ears pricked up and he was talking about going to see this choir and at the end they held this really long note and it was really impactful within the venue that they were in, and to the point where everyone was saying how did they do that? Because it looked like everyone was singing. So he asked the choir leader afterwards how do you train or how do you hold that note for such a long time? And he said some people are singing and some people are breathing and it's a collective thing. And then he kind of related it to our general life and the fact that sometimes we're singing but sometimes we need to be breathing. And then I was thinking about my work-life balance over the recent months and I was thinking to myself oh, my goodness me, I think I'm singing too much. Yeah, I haven't been breathing. Well, of course. Of course I have been breathing and we have been singing yes but the metaphor of it.

Speaker 1:

I love the fact that you know some people are singing and to support the people that are then breathing yeah, and then the people that have then done the breathing come in and sing and support the people that are yeah, they're needing a break. I thought it was brilliant. It made me think about lots of things in life oh my god, yes, so good.

Speaker 2:

And, as you were saying that, I'm thinking about the fact that nobody else knew that these other people were taking a breath. So it's not like they've gone and they, you know, their shoulders just shot up to their ears and they've taken that big gasp and then they've gone straight back into singing that they've clearly gently taken a lovely big long breath and then they slid straight back into it because they've, because they've taken enough time to get enough air on to then go straight back.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, and not everybody who is singing is singing at the same time, versus everyone who's breathed taking a breath at the same time. It was all done kind of layered over, so it made this note, this harmony in this venue seem like it went on forever, amazing yeah it was.

Speaker 1:

It was really, really incredible and it just got me thinking about because he does this on the. When you, if you listen to Jay Shetty, he does this, he gets you thinking about things in a different way, and so I was thinking to myself oh, what clients have I got at the moment that should be breathing and they're singing, or vice versa yeah, yeah and did, and so you think that probably you're singing not, I mean not literally, because I actually don't think there's any such thing as singing too much no like literally, but uh, it metaphorically singing too much yeah, I think, because it resonated with me so much.

Speaker 1:

my first thought was I've been singing too much and I need to take a breath, although my system did make me take a breath recently because, it gave me the flu which came out of nowhere, and it still. I always wanted to swear then, but I'm not going to. No, it still massively disappoints and frustrates me when something like that happens yeah, I get it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, when you know, you know if you've been listening to us for a while when we're not available for sickness. So, however, we do always talk about. If we don't make time for wellness, then uh well, sickness just takes over, doesn't it? And and sometimes it's just that I mean, like I hate to tell us, but we're human. Sometimes it's really annoying, I get it's totally annoying, but sometimes it it's got to land us on our ass, hasn't?

Speaker 1:

it. It does, but I do have this little bit inside me that almost looks up to whatever and says don't you know who I am?

Speaker 2:

yeah, I look after myself more than most people. This isn't fair.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I have to say I have to say that leading up to me having the flu, and I haven't had like proper flu I can't remember the last time I had proper flu.

Speaker 2:

There's a big difference between proper flu and having a cold right oh, yeah, yeah, and you only quite realize it when you have proper flu, right, and you have proper flu and you can't get out of bed.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for a few days, which is what happened to me proper flu, is that? Just leading up to then, there was times when I thought, oh, I'm really quite tired, but I still powered on because I had lots to do and then my body went ah, that's not happening, which, in a way, I think is kind of good because we're about to lead into that crazy busy period, especially as mums.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we've got it all to do, haven't we Mums and business women? Mums, yeah, we've got it all to do, haven't we? Mums and business women? It's I just um, I just wrote actually, I just wrote the post about this to my uh, business women unlimited group that I run here and we're so, exactly in december, we're doing a breathwork session, which is not normal.

Speaker 2:

Normally we've got speakers that will come in and talk about business, but I know, specifically, that group of women will be running around like headless chickens.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know that many of them are going to say, oh, I don't have time for that two hour uh meeting.

Speaker 2:

I'm, you know, I'm super busy and I am going to spend the next month trying to convince them that spending that two hours with us all together where we can, you know, sound off about whatever we want to sound off about and that we're going to have a half an hour to an hour's breath work and meditation is going to be far more beneficial to them than whatever they're going to do in that two hours, whether it's on business, whether it's, you know, running around Canterbury doing Christmas shopping or god knows what, but what. I was thinking, as you're saying that, because I totally get how annoying it is when you get sick and you feel like you're doing all the right things and you are, you move plenty, your, your nutrition is spot on, and it's not just about that, is it? It's about the stress, it's about filling that stress bucket and emptying that stress bucket. So it's a really good example, actually, of the fact that you have to have all of these things in play. It's not just one thing or another or another.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, they're all interconnected, aren't they? And the stress factor is so huge, isn't it?

Speaker 2:

Stress factor, Do you think that's? We put that to Simon Cowell as the next TV show?

Speaker 1:

Yeah yeah, there'd be so many people, though, who wanted to do the stress factor Just like perimenopausal women lining up?

Speaker 2:

I don't think it will catch on.

Speaker 1:

No, but anyway, stress is such a big deal, isn't it? And we kind of, I think we just ignore it a lot of the time.

Speaker 2:

Or we've normalized it.

Speaker 1:

So when I was talking to you, catherine, about I'd listened to this episode of Jay Shetty and about this singing, breathing thing, and I was talking to you, catherine, about I'd listened to this episode of Jay Shetty and about this singing, breathing thing and I was thinking about my clients, then it got me thinking about a number of clients lately that I've given this term of being high functioning sick. Yeah, so I used to use the term like vertically sick, so you go to the doctors but because you're still functioning you're not a priority and you know they just kind of give you something to go away don't they Vertically sick is?

Speaker 1:

such a great description. Yeah, if you're horizontally sick, then that's different, isn't it? Because then you need to be taken seriously and dealt with and helped, of course, but when you're vertically sick, or as I now term this high functioning sick, because I'm seeing so many people in this state that I would say are still doing their jobs, still running their houses, dealing with their kids, etc.

Speaker 1:

But when I run tests on people, I can see, because I look at stress markers and I'm looking at their nutrient levels, and I'm thinking to myself oh my goodness me, this person should be on the floor, yeah, and yet they just keep going, they keep going, they keep going until you know life will throw something at them to stop them from keeping going.

Speaker 2:

Yeah at them to stop them from keeping going. Yeah, and they've got no idea because they've been running like that for so long, normalized it yeah, that, that is just yeah normal for them yeah.

Speaker 1:

So there are a lot of people that are in that, in that phase I think, at the moment, and they they do tend to be women, kind of into that 40s plus bracket a lot of the time because things are changing in their bodies, but they're still working full-time, still maybe got young children, because we're having our kids later, aren't we? And things like that. So, yeah, I've kind of termed it high functioning sick, in the same way that you've got we would use the term high functioning um alcoholic. Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm not saying that these two are comparable but but yeah, with a functioning alcoholic that they're just.

Speaker 2:

They're continuing that. Everything looks normal. They're continuing their family life, they're continuing their job, yeah, and they're continuing the alcohol yeah, yeah, but they're still functioning on a level and then they're in denial.

Speaker 1:

I think that's the thing. Is the high functioning sick people are in denial yeah, in denial and they don't really understand how much better they could feel once they start to change these things. And I I am seeing that in a in some clients.

Speaker 1:

I've got the moment that I've run tests and just thought the person in front of me is not the person that I'm seeing on the test results yeah, because the test results are showing what I would expect to see with someone that had chronic fatigue or some kind of long covid or some post-viral serious problem. Their stats on their test results are coming up looking the same, yeah, and yet they're still saying to me well, you know, I'm exercising and I'm going to work and I'm doing this, that and the other, but oh, by the way, I'm not sleeping very well and actually, if I'm really honest, my mental health isn't that great. And oh, I have gained some weight and, yes, I can't get rid of it. Yeah, yeah, fascinating isn't it?

Speaker 2:

no, it's so true, and I mean so. If anyone else is listening to this and thinking that that julie's actually talking straight to them, I'm thinking that too and just, yeah, it's just been bonkers, it's absolutely bonkers like. And I I think you're right that it is actually the group of women that we are a part of that are either business owners or are working full time. They've got children, they've got houses, perhaps they've got parents that they need to care for, or there's always something going on, isn't there? There's never.

Speaker 1:

There's never downtime no, but actually, even when they do have their downtime, they're still doing yeah. They're the people that are still doing yeah, and we could easily fit into that category as well, couldn't we? But they are the ones that are exercising, sometimes to the extreme as well, which isn't good, as we know, but they do seem to have that. You know, I'm doing, I'm walking my 10 000 steps a day and I'm you know, I'm doing all the things but over like overdoing overdoing and that is.

Speaker 2:

And that again, that's like typically when something is not working. For I'm gonna say us, just for our group of women when something's not working, what do we do? We just go harder at it. We do more. Yeah, I feel like we need to do more, so like we're not losing weight, so traditionally, let's hammer the cardio.

Speaker 2:

We're not losing weight, let's hammer ourselves and and take nutrition away yeah let's yeah, and and also like, even if we think, oh, we haven't had a night out for ages and you feel a bit hard done by, let's go and have a night out and let's go hard, yeah, do you know what I mean? There's not, there's no let up, there's no, let's go the other way and let's do absolutely nothing. No, um, and actually, do you know what? Just as I'm saying this out loud, I am seeing this reflection in my daughter, in my teenage daughter. Interesting, just as I've said that out loud, she and I am constantly saying to her can you just stop just for a minute? She's having a whale of a time, she's having an absolutely fabulous time. She's at college, she's at work, she's earning. She's probably got more expendable income than I have and she's having a wonderful time with it.

Speaker 2:

Um, she's got herself a boyfriend and and she's just having an absolutely great time, but it floored her last week did she, yeah, she was in bed for two days, which is very, very rare. Like, don't get me wrong, the children can. If there was an olympic sport of sleeping, they would win it hands down, like they get up at four o'clock.

Speaker 2:

Go oh, look, it's dark and go back back to sleep again but yeah, it absolutely floored her and it's, yeah, and it's really interesting actually thinking about that mirror and she's just looking at me going well, you're doing that. I'm not going to listen to you, am I?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and part of the reason why we've struggled to get together to do this, even though it is another thing that we do. But it's fun, isn't it?

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, it's a fun thing that we do.

Speaker 1:

But just trying to get our diaries together, I had a friend contact me this morning with some dates and I was looking at dates going. Oh, I'm so sorry I can't do any of those dates. It's life is busy, isn't?

Speaker 2:

it. No, it's crazy. I, I will this, I will make time for this. So, uh, earlier on I'd I was kind of telling Mark, like what I've got going on for the rest of today and the rest of the week, and and then a bit later on in the day I shouted down I'm going for a coffee with mum and Claire and uh, he was like how have you got time for that?

Speaker 2:

and I was like I'm going to make time because otherwise it's those things that get moved, it's the, it's the connection with people and that sit down for we were only sat down for like 45 minutes, but that catch-up that we, those are the things we move and it shouldn't be. Those are the things we should absolutely hold dear and things like this. I know that we are, I mean, working do we need to do the fingers thing?

Speaker 2:

yeah, with the inverted commas, with the bunny ears working, yeah, but I just, yeah, I adore doing this and and it's a conversation also that I've had with Mark and he's like, have you taken on too much with this? And I was like, yes, it is, it is extra work, but actually I really enjoy it. I mean, sorry you guys, but it's like therapy for us and we get to, I get to come and chat with my friend, you get to listen in, which is, which is brilliant, and we get to share our passion and our knowledge with more people in a in a really convenient way. And I'm just thinking like it's a really easy way and, heaven forbid, we do things easily.

Speaker 1:

Let's make it hard, yeah yeah, I think the only hard thing is like when we have to edit. Oh, my god, it's the time that that goes into doing that and everything else that that comes from when you're doing a podcast. But the actual chatting part, we don't have a problem.

Speaker 2:

No, not at all, especially when audacity goes and changes all the settings, moves all the buttons yes, that was not fun last week.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, but I think, even though we've got that, we're very busy and we are aware at least we're in awareness. Right, we do have our non-negotiables, don't we still, yes, so that helps.

Speaker 2:

That is true, that is absolutely true, that you're I mean, like I was saying, with your nutrition and your movement, you would probably have been sick maybe a week or two before then, or you might have been in bed for four days, rather than two days, if you hadn't got those legs of your chair.

Speaker 2:

if you don't know what we're talking about, go back to episode one or two or three something like that yeah if you didn't have those, like your sleep and stuff, yeah, if you didn't have those, you'd have been on your ass a lot sooner, yeah, yeah, and for a lot longer, exactly so, yeah, that, no, there is definitely, definitely that. It was funny when you were talking about this before we started recording and I said I was listening to I think it was a podcast with um dr chatterjee and Robin Sharma and he was talking about working in blasts. So you've got this set project or something and you and you kind of go full-on into that and we as human beings actually work quite well with that. However, that only works as long as you then program in your rest time where you kind of come, take your foot off the gas and you rest and recuperate, and that's when you start to have those amazing ideas of, like what to do next.

Speaker 2:

So you don't get bored because you're do you know what this is? This is the same as what we're doing with hit at the moment in, after all this research that we've done. Oh, my god, we've. I've there's a long thread coming. Watch out all this stuff that we've been learning. Like when we got together the other weekend and listened to that webinar with dr stacy sims and she was suggesting the the best way for us women of this age group to be working out, and so I've been applying this to my my HIIT classes, to my Ploxen classes, to my running, and it is to go for short, sharp blasts, for as hard as you can and then take the foot right off the gas as long as you need that was the interesting thing I found was that it wasn't like do 90 seconds on and then you know 60 seconds off it was.

Speaker 1:

You go to your maximum, or like 80 of your maximum, wasn't it? And then you rest for as long as you need to be able to hit that same intensity again to do it again to repeat it yeah absolutely, and so this is so.

Speaker 2:

I've been implying this to all of my classes and my running and it's incredible. I've suddenly realized that when I think that I'm working hard, I'm not actually. It's like that moderate intensity, continuous training.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I'm just kind of plodding along, along, along, and I'm not giving myself those breaks, whereas if I go for an absolute blast and then I take my foot off the gas and go straight into recovery, it's much, much better, wow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you've really gone down the rabbit hole of MIT and HIT and moderate intensity. Yeah, I don't even know where we started off.

Speaker 2:

Now, where did we start off?

Speaker 1:

I was saying about Robin Sharma and those blasts and I was listening to something about the brain and how it processes stuff and that kind of tied in with what you were saying was that we've only got a certain capacity to do complicated, like real deep thinking, that like when I see a client.

Speaker 2:

I've really only got a short capacity for that.

Speaker 1:

It's hard, like when I see a client and then I'm writing up the plan. That is actually very intensive and and what I've been doing and this might be half of my issue is that I will have like a whole day where I see clients and then I have a whole day where I'm writing up their plans. But the way that the brain works, it's lighter when I'm speaking to the client and it's different because it's visual and there's connection when I'm writing up the plan. It's intense brain work.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and so what I need to do to change it and to help my brain is to split up those tasks, especially when I'm writing the plans and I'm writing the plans because it is what the lady was saying the brain scientist lady was saying is that if you continuously do that and people have jobs where they're intensely problem solving and doing complicated things, like a lawyer or something on day after day after day, that triggers the brain to burn out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, so it's interesting that, yeah, those short bursts with exercise, the same with when you're doing the brain so even if you take a moment where you you go and do something else, so that your brain is not in that deep thought, working out problems, complicated things, and it's to do with your eyes and where you're looking. So if you can look into the distance I mean, we're lucky that we've got the beach, yeah, so whenever we're walking along the beach, we're looking into the distance anyway, aren't we? Yeah, that helps to reset the brain and then that's where, like you were saying, it puts you into that um, coming up with ideas. It puts you into the creative, yeah, side. Yeah, and that's what we appear to be missing a lot. And if you think about how we school our children, yeah, no it's not prioritized at all.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, that's absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what they're, they're constant yeah, and then we lose that creativity. And then you know we're looking for people to come up with magic ideas and solutions to things, and so you need someone whose brain is in that creative space in order to do that. So we can't just be.

Speaker 1:

You know, focus, focus, focus, focus on really complex things and then expect that our brain is going to be fine with that, and it's the amount of energy. Expect that our brain is going to be fine with that, and it's the amount of energy. What I found fascinating was, even though I know this stuff, you know, sometimes you have to be hear it several times, don't you? The brain is energy consuming, so this is why we feel tired after we've been sat at our computers all day doing all this stuff. And then what do we then go and do? We're tired. So we watch tv. Yeah, so we're stimulating the brain again, aren't we?

Speaker 1:

yeah, so yeah so that's where half of our well, more than half of our energy goes, if we're in that focus problem solving. So if I do a whole day of doing client plans, yeah, and just working in one way, that that's not actually beneficial.

Speaker 2:

No. So what do you think that you'll do? See your client and then write their report up like straight away, and then create breaks through like that.

Speaker 1:

I think I need to completely change the way that I'm working based on that information, to see if it works, if it helps me that's really interesting because my week is set up so at the beginning of the week I tend to really load everything you have a manic monday, don't you I?

Speaker 2:

do have a manic monday and I do, and it's almost like not like I want to get it over and done with. But when I'm putting things into my diary I like to block things together because I like I quite like it feels more efficiency as well to block things together, doesn't it?

Speaker 1:

and there is, there is benefits to that as well, but where?

Speaker 2:

when everything's. I say I quite, really protective over my thursdays and actually probably what I should do is just spread stuff out a little bit more. But yeah, I get to my like visually on my calendar. I quite like that big space on a thursday and they get really irritated when something fills it up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I feel the same because I load my client appointments at the beginning of the week so that I can allow the back end of the week to get everything tied up and email people. Well, I'm failing miserably at that at the moment because of catching up from being ill before I then see clients again next week and so I have that kind of from Wednesday, yeah, I've finished seeing the clients and then I'm into doing the plans and things. There's definitely a shift in, there's a there's a different change in intensity because I'm not seeing the people. Yeah, then I've really got to get my head down yeah and get this stuff done, because obviously I've got my.

Speaker 1:

I need to get to choir on a friday lunch time and I need and my aim is my aim is to finish the work by then, because then I'm switching my brain into a different mode, aren't I? I don't have to come back and then go into the, but I often have to because I haven't finished in time. Yeah, yeah, it's always happening.

Speaker 2:

I often have to because I haven't finished in time. Yeah, yeah, it's always happening. Absolutely, I love that we've come back round to singing again.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So, having come back round to singing, I think having started with, are we singing or are we breathing? I think it's a good question to ask the people listening when you think about that in terms of your life, you know, do you need to be the person who's breathing at the moment? Yeah, and let someone else right to the end of that note and you're completely wrung out.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, abby and ross are gonna are gonna like this metaphor, because we do get told this at choir, don't we? When we're doing a long note to to fade out and fade back in again, we actually get get taught that that is a thing.

Speaker 1:

Um, it is a thing, yeah, yeah, but I just love that that, the way that jay shetty described it on that, on that uh episode on the calm, and I just it just completely resonated with me I like the way that you've thought about it, as a support as well.

Speaker 2:

I really, I really like that thought. So maybe in like a group of friends, in a friendship group, that some of them are singing and some of them are breathing, and that the people that are singing are there to support the ones that are just going. Oh, thank goodness for that, and that that's okay. Because, again, I think we're conditioned to be like go, go go all of the time. Yeah, and how nice that is. That within that you could build in some sort, some sort of support for the people that are not go, go, going and and then know that it would be reciprocated when you were breathing yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I think I need to explain this to the people around me and then I could go up and say, hey, could you just do some singing for me, because I just need to do some breathing. And then they know what that means. You know, especially with children in the house.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

You know, can you just help a bit? You come and do the singing. I'll just go and do some breathing.

Speaker 2:

Some breathing.

Speaker 1:

And just go and do some breathing, some breathing, and then literally do some breathing, literally, literally do some breathing, yeah, some lovely, deep, deep breaths.

Speaker 2:

That's such I mean, and ironically do some singing, maybe, because that's such a such a superb thing for for downtime and to be doing something different, probably a probably a great thing to do in between all of your um, all of your client reports I do tend to sing anyway, as you know, and you do just generally.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, when I'm, when I'm out in the car, when I'm in the kitchen, I'm chopping the vegetables, I got my radio on or whatever, and I'm singing. I do tend to do that anyway, and of course, all of that is going to be helping, isn't it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, I love that. I do love a good sing song. That's so brilliant, yeah, so, as always, we would adore you to come and chat with us into the Facebook group. I think you get used to hearing me saying that, so I want to just reiterate that it's one of our ways of knowing who we are reaching and how many people we are reaching. So do please come and request to be our, be our friends in our Facebook group and if you've ever got any questions, or come and tell us if you are, if you are singing or breathing, have you run out of breath? Are you? Are you making a bum note? Yeah, uh, do you need to do? You need to stop, have a breath and uh and let the the rest of the choir support you for a little while. It'd be great to know. Yeah, it would be great to know. Thank, thank you for keeping us company today. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

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Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

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