Far 2 Fabulous

Balancing Business, Family and Well Being: A Neurodivergent Journey with Talia Zamora

• Julie Clark & Catherine Chapman • Episode 29

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Unlock the secrets to balancing business and family life with our inspiring guest, Talia Zamora, a dedicated business coach who has transformed her career to better support her neurodivergent family. Talia shares her personal journey from the corporate world to self-employment, driven by the desire to provide the best care for her two autistic sons. We delve into the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent families, emphasizing the delicate balance between running a business and fulfilling caregiving duties. Talia also offers invaluable insights into the importance of self-care and setting boundaries to manage the multiple roles women often juggle.

Ever wondered how neglecting personal well-being can impact your professional success? This episode dives deep into the essential topic of self-care for business owners. We explore how burnout manifests when self-care is overlooked, and the body's way of forcing a stop through illness or injury. Learn from personal strategies like incorporating daily routines, such as walking the dog and attending gratitude sessions, to create structure and ensure regular breaks for mental and physical rejuvenation. Recognizing early warning signs of burnout and proactively incorporating self-care habits is key to maintaining overall well-being.

Balancing work and family time, especially for those with ADHD, can be daunting. Discover effective time management strategies tailored for individuals with ADHD, including breaking down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps and setting realistic goals. We share practical tips for maintaining motivation, such as allowing frequent breaks and celebrating small accomplishments. Additionally, we provide planning strategies for handling school holidays, like creating color-coded schedules and preparing meals ahead of time. This episode is a comprehensive guide to achieving a harmonious balance between professional and personal life, offering realistic planning and self-kindness as essential tools.

You can find out more about Talia from here website here

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Julie:

Welcome to Far Two Fabulous hosted by Julie and Catherine.

Catherine:

Join us on a mission to embrace your fabulousness and redefine wellness. Get ready for some feistiness, inspiration, candy chats and humour as we journey together towards empowered wellbeing. Let's dive in. Hello, hello, hello everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Far Too Fabulous. And we are joined by a very special guest today Talia Zamora. She is a business coach and she specialises in uplifting women, especially from neurodivergent families, and I just think that this conversation today for everybody is going to be so helpful and I'm really looking forward to it. So thank you for joining us today. Thank you, it's lovely to be here. Amazing. One day, perhaps we'll get you down to Whitstable and we can have you in, uh, in person that would be lovely, and then I can join your Pilates class in person too without a doubt.

Catherine:

That's it. I might even get you in the sea oh, I'd love that that would be when, when Julie and I have got our own dedicated podcast studio. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah, we do need that. That would be amazing. We've got, like Dr Chatterjee, kind of like envy of his podcast studio. Anyway, talia, will you please introduce yourself to our listeners and tell us all about you?

Talia:

So I'm Talia Zamora and I well, I predominantly look after and support women that are from a neurodivergent family.

Talia:

I have traditionally been a business coach and over the years that's kind of transformed a little bit into focusing and niching with just neurodivergent women, but in particular those that need that support because they've got kids at home and they're building a business around them. And this is because over the last few years myself, ever since becoming self-employed myself, I have been on my own journey of supporting my kids that are neurodivergent. They're both autistic boys and so I came out of the corporate industry, having worked in business improvement and wanting to work for myself, I leveled up and studied and did a course on coaching and got myself a coach and became someone that supported women with small businesses. But as I've evolved over time and learned more and more about autism and ADHD and the other neurodivergences that come under that umbrella, such as Tourette's and OCD, I've become more and more aware of that need to support, in particular, those women that are running their businesses in similar fashion to me at home, doing it mainly because they need to support their kids that little bit more than your average child that may be, a child that has slight differences um, maybe more doctor's appointments than your average child has a little bit more need for a contact time with their parents downtime regulation.

Talia:

So, um, my understanding from my own experience is that actually being able to support those people to grow their businesses, to get set those boundaries, to have a bit of balance, um, and and hugely to self-care, is a big part of that process. As much as some people might envisage getting a coach to be something that is, you're working and focusing mainly on every business element, so much of it is about actually working with the person and how they live their life and how their mindset is and how they're treating themselves in order to for them to then have the energy to successfully run their business. I'm very passionate about helping people to identify that and to be realistic and to put those processes in place and boundaries in place to be able to get it right.

Catherine:

Amazing, and I have been lucky enough to be on calls with you or be in some of your teaching sessions that you've done online and you are I mean you, like you said, you are very passionate about it, but you're also really practical, like we walk away with things that we can actually do to make a difference with how we, how we run our businesses. And I also imagine that the group of women that you are talking to are traditionally in danger of completely letting all of the things that are going on in their lives take over their lives and and not look after themselves at all, because I know that, of anything, the children putting the children first is always, for women, the thing that we do, and it's always often to our detriment, isn't it for our health and our well-being? And I imagine that their challenges are even more so.

Talia:

Absolutely, and it can be really difficult to fit yourself into all of that, you know, if you're running a business and being a parent.

Talia:

But also somebody said to me that some within I've I work within a team of other neurodivergent coaches as well and I was on a call and recently somebody was explaining about the difference of being a carer and being a parent and I've never really thought about it for myself in that sense, but actually many of these people that I'm supporting, these women, are a carer and a parent and a business owner and have the logistics of running the house and, you know, fitting themselves into all of that, you know, is at the bottom of the pile and I think that's very much why having the independence to be your own boss is really valuable, because if you're you're, if you work for somebody and you're also a carer and a parent, it doesn't it's very hard to for the boss maybe to understand actually that you need to fill in a form or you need to make that call to the doctor or you need to speak to the local authority about getting support for your child in the in the working hours, because it's just not necessarily acceptable to be doing those personal things in working hours, so potentially a huge part of why a lot of mums out there will choose to run their own business.

Julie:

So they've got that flexibility yeah, they choose to run their own business or they will have to give up work. Is the other option that that happens a lot, doesn't it?

Talia:

Yes, absolutely does.

Julie:

So what is the difference between carer and a parent then?

Talia:

Yeah, this is something I hadn't really thought about until recently. So, obviously, as a parent, you love your child, you have a safe place for them, a home for them. The priorities are making sure they're fed well, they sleep well, they're clothed, they're dressed. The priorities are making sure they're fed well, they sleep well, they're clothed, they're dressed, they're, you know, supporting them with their own self-care in terms of showering and brushing teeth, things like that. Those natural things. Spending time as a family, having outings and doing activities, maybe helping them with education um, those are the natural things that come as a parent, you know, and but then as a carer, that on top of that is whether, if you're getting your child diagnosed, maybe, or if you're speaking to school on a regular basis about the different types of support that your child needs, or maybe you're filling out forms like an EHCP or filling out assessment forms, because your child is going through a process of needing to have a plan put together for them, for instance. So these things take a lot of time setting appointments, taking them to appointments, getting assessed, waiting for reports to come back, going to them, potentially getting medication if your child, for instance, is ADHD, and waiting for local authority or CAMHS to come back to you, which can be a really, really lengthy process and can be very draining and exhausting, chasing, worrying, because your child is in need now and their mental health may be dropping. So that is all part and parcel of being a carer, but it also has an impact on you being a parent, too, a carer. But it also has an impact on you being a parent too, because it's um, it's so mentally draining and so um can be very stressful.

Talia:

So then, if you've then got a parent, that's also having done, done a bit of that and then running a business because obviously they need to bring in an income in to make sure that their children have got a roof over their head and food in their belly then they've got that added pressure. But then doing things like going to Catherine's classes or having a session with you, julie, to take care of their internals and their external, then obviously there's not necessarily time or money for that and that goes to the bottom of the pile until they get to the point of burnout. And then their body makes them. They'll have a flu or they'll have, maybe they sprain an ankle or something, and their body is almost making them stop. It's like they're being forced to because they never made the time of themselves in the first place. That's the way I perceive. It is that quite often that you you're so run down that you are vulnerable to an illness because you weren't taking care of yourself in the first place you're absolutely right there.

Julie:

The body will keep the score. There's a book called that isn't there. That's really good. Yeah, yeah, the body will keep the score. And yeah, you're, you're right. It's happened to me many, many times that my my body has said you need rest and will give me an illness or something, and it's always really, really inconvenient and but I always reflect on it and then think, yeah, I need, I did need rest, have you had that?

Catherine:

yeah, always, always and actually, and so sometimes, occasionally, I learn from this and and will think you know I'm getting tired and I'm getting run down, oh, but I need to do this oh, but I need to do that and then remembering that it will get you at the most inconvenient moment.

Catherine:

So to be able to create those those times for yourself, on your own terms, is much better than yeah, than waiting for it to to give you flu or, like you said, yes, sprain your ankle or something really inconvenient like that. That's yeah, so true.

Talia:

We're both nodding away here like, like the Churchill dog when I talk to people, I'll apply that and that's part and parcel of you know. That's why maybe my coaching can be a little bit different from your average kind of action coach, because you need to think of everything yeah, absolutely, and you've clearly got that going on in the background for your, for yourself as well.

Catherine:

What do you do to make sure you don't hit burnout when you're going through all of that frustrating things?

Talia:

so my I'm I was for the longest time. I was not very good at doing this for myself so, and I sat and had a chat with myself thinking how can I do this differently and what's going to make me take time and get eat better, sleep better, exercise more, get fresh air and be more sociable and not be a business person that sat on my desk and didn't move all day and that one of my epiphanies, you could say was that I needed a dog. It was an unnegotiable. You know, just a little bit like when you have a baby that cries at you it's unnegotiable. You have to stop and you have to care for them and love them and and see to their needs, whether it's a nappy, whether it's a bottle.

Talia:

I figured if I wasn't going to listen to myself, I was going to listen to the dog that needed a walk and I would have a companion to walk with and I'd have a daily routine that would help me get out and get some fresh air. That's what I ended up doing. So I have a dog. I have a hound that needs at least an hour of the walk a day. I mean, there are times where she doesn't even want to go out. It's snowing, but we still do it, but fortunately, doesn't even want to go out. It's snowing, but we still do it, and but fortunately we don't have too many of those days in the UK and that's helped me give me a routine in terms of making sure that breakfast comes before or after it and I get up at a certain time, and also I do have friends that I walk with as well, so that's almost therapeutic because I'm, you know, having a walking, talking, enjoyable time and out and about.

Talia:

So yeah, that's that's a big part of my own self-care is having a dog.

Talia:

And then also I have a clubhouse meeting that I go to as much as possible.

Talia:

It's on every single day, seven days a week, but I probably only get to go to it three or four times a week and it's at one o'clock every single day and it's a gratitude room of a week and it's at one o'clock every single day and it's a gratitude room. Part of that is is my self-care too is we have a. There's a, a note for the day like a prompt to help us to come up and think about the things that we're grateful for and things that are good in our life, but also it means I stop for half an hour, so most of the time I'm listening and I'm also sorting my lunch out at the same time and I can contribute if want to. I can just purely listen to the room. It's something that really helps ground me but also then helps me have my routine as well. As well. As yoga comes into it every now and again as well, but there's not necessarily enough of that, but it's there weekly as well.

Julie:

How lovely. I love the idea of having a gratitude half hour every lunchtime.

Julie:

Yeah, what a nice thing to do. I think the thing about those kind of activities is that you call it a routine, and we might also refer to it as a habit. For myself, in the past, when I've had that, the body said no and put me in bed or rested up or for whatever reason, is that? There's always little warning things that happen that you ignore. So you've got all the warning signs from your body and then one thing has a domino effect on another. So, like you said, your eating then goes out the window, your sleep goes out the window and your self-care really does go to the bottom of the pile in every area at that point, doesn't it? But the same thing happens in reverse. So when you start to put things into place, it has a knock on effect of the other things that are good for you as well. So I like that aspect from the body's perspective.

Talia:

Yeah, absolutely, because you become more productive from the body's perspective. Yeah, absolutely, because you become more productive. So you could, you it's? You know that I forget how you say it, but you say it's not. It's not about working harder and more and working longer, is it? It's about being more productive and getting more done in less time.

Talia:

Yeah, and that eating well and sleeping well and exercising to me means that when you are sitting at your desk, even if it's for only a few hours a day, that you could be so much more productive because you've set, you know, your self-care as the priority, so you are in a good place mentally and physically to be able to then do the work, whereas I remember years back when I was writing my dissertation, I'd been writing way into the night, literally falling asleep, and I was thinking I need to get this done. You know I've got a deadline, but actually if I'd stopped and let myself sleep and have a decent night's sleep and a decent breakfast the next morning, I probably could have done what I'd done over four hours in one hour in the morning in a much better state, you know. So it's about yeah, about yeah, putting yourself first. Definitely that whole airplane.

Catherine:

Uh well, yeah, yeah, oxygen mask on first. Yeah, absolutely, oh, just, I'm loving the half an hour gratitude and imagine the like, the knock-on effect and the, the beautiful things that come out of that, just without even thinking about. Like you're in rest and digest already If you're making your lunch and you get to actually digest what you are, what you are eating. You're getting the goodness out of that. You're getting just that, that bit of time. You know the benefits of gratitude, yeah, and then you go back to your desk and you're so much more efficient.

Catherine:

I just love that so, so much. That's fantastic. And I also love how you've completely flipped getting a dog on its head. So most people would think, oh my God, that's loads of extra stuff, which it is, it is. But you've, you've just highlighted those, those benefits, and you've kind of you've hit every single point with the social, with the exercise, with the out in nature. Whether, whether you want to or not, yeah, I have one of those dogs that sticks her nose out of the wind, out of the door, and if it's raining, she's like it's all right, I'll wait until it's not raining before.

Talia:

I go to the toilet yes, she's absolutely like that and it gets to a certain point in the day. I'm thinking this is not healthy for you. You're going out in the rain just so you can wee absolutely mine.

Catherine:

At the moment we've got baby seagulls on the roof two houses along on our roof actually the joys of living near the coast. Hey, yeah, but they're just they're, they're devils for dive bombing her. So the other?

Julie:

day.

Catherine:

I know the other day I had to actually go and stand in the middle of the garden clapping my neighbors well, I think my neighbors probably think I'm fairly nuts anyway clapping and keeping them away from her so that she could actually go to the toilet without being dive bombed. They pooed on her twice now and like once.

Talia:

I can't really need a scarecrow in your garden. I'm serious. Yeah, you need a scarecrow to stop them coming down so you don't have to stand there and clap. So she could do away they.

Catherine:

Honestly, I don't think they cared, they just aimed at me instead.

Julie:

But at least she got a bit so weird because we don't have that problem with ours, so they don't know. They don't cause too much problems, just really loud on the roof.

Catherine:

Yeah with their, with their hobnail boots on yeah, exactly.

Julie:

So, yeah, there are lots and lots of benefits from, from having a dog, for sure you know yeah, absolutely even in studies, there's loads of studies that that show that having a pet yes, absolutely.

Talia:

But even in my home, with my boys being a bit different and their autism, having that it's like having a therapy dog, it's just so valuable. I mean, obviously she's not a trained therapy dog, but still there is something very therapeutic about having a dog. And, yeah, having that extra family member is just lovely yeah, my daughter calls our dog her emotional support animal. Yeah, well that, yeah, exactly it's so is, though, isn't it?

Catherine:

does she tell him?

Julie:

everything she does they. They get both of them together in the dog bed and, yeah, any problems she's got, that's the first place she goes Goes to the dog. The dog knows, he knows when she's got some issues and he's just so cute with her.

Catherine:

Mine's just a time waster as well. There's a danger. The other day I went and just laid on her because she looked so silly, totally upside down on the sofa, so I went laid with her after lunch. At least an hour later I woke up. I was like, oh, the dog made me fall asleep.

Talia:

That's so healthy to do, though. Isn't that so much better than social media for an hour To do? That is so much better for you.

Julie:

Or Netflix or something.

Catherine:

Yeah, oh. I love a disco nap in the middle of the day as well, especially if it's cuddling the dog oh, that's so lovely, really nice so the things that you have learned with with different ways, perhaps that your boys have to work yeah have you then applied that to your own workings and what you recommend for your clients yeah, definitely there's.

Talia:

There's the methods that I suggest are not your typical. I mean, they don't stand out as something extremely outlandish, but there are certain things that when you're, you work a bit differently, especially if you're an ADHD person, where your focus and your attention span switches quite quickly. And so I often talk to my clients about doing things in small bites, giving themselves breaks, giving themselves rewards as well, because there's a certain amount of need and motivation for, like, having a bit of a dopamine hit. So having a reward, even if it's a cup of tea or a biscuit is, is really motivating to get a certain job done. Think, okay, I need to make these two phone calls, I need to do this spreadsheet or I need to do these emails, and then I get to have my cup of tea or I get to look on social media for five minutes and have a bit of a break. So, breaking things down and doing things in small doses, especially when it comes to things like lists, as so many people, from what I understand, they'll put a to-do list together and they'll put things like I need to write my newsletter, I need to update my website, I need to do my account and all these big jobs on there. These are not small things on your to-do list and they're not realistic. So it's really important for everybody in business. But particularly if you're a neuro divergent, you need to do things a bit kinder to yourself. Then you need to break that to-do list down.

Talia:

So, even so, let's just say you're doing a newsletter. Sometimes you need to gather stuff for your newsletter, like a photo or a link, or you know you need to. Maybe for you ladies need to get your podcast links and a little bit of blurb about your guests and things like that. So when you go to the page, you're then diverted off. For instance, if you were doing mine, you would maybe be diverted off to go get my website link or to go and get my social media link, even if it's just going to an email to get it. So it's being prepared and having it all together and then doing your newsletter.

Talia:

So breaking it down, thinking, okay, step one, I'm going to go and get the links and step two, I'm going to get a photo. Step three, I'm just going to look at the dates I want to put in for my next workshop, for instance, and so when I get to that place, I'm not then going off and opening 20 pages or, you know, finding myself stuck because I can't progress because I haven't got the answer to that question yet. Um, so yeah, it's about being organized, but breaking the things down and okay, I'll tick that off now I've got my photo, I've got my link, I've got, you know, I've got the times that I need. Then, when it comes to it, it's more rewarding I've got it done. Finally, you know, it's instead of it like, oh, I'm gonna have to leave that till tomorrow because I need to ask my, my guest what her you know link is, because I haven't got it. Or, you know, I need to go and find the timing for the you know, the workshop that we're going to do, because then you run off and then you totally forget and it's a week later and you haven't done your newsletter yet. So if you've got it broken down and you've got little tiny jobs on there and it's it's not just saying newsletter you can tick those little tasks. It's very, very motivating and rewarding. Even that is a dopamine hit when you're hitting, when you're ticking those. Oh, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this.

Talia:

The other thing is my clients will often say I haven't done anything. They'll turn up to a session and say I'm so sorry, I haven't done it. It's like you don't need to apologize to me. You know that you haven't done your actions. So then we start talking and I said, but what have you done this week? Like, well, I haven't done my website, I haven't done my newsletter, but I did do a podcast interview and I did go to networking and I did start with a new client and I did take the kids on holiday and I did do 20 loads of laundry and I did do, you know, every night's worth of dinner. You know, I did vacuum the house, I did take the dog for a walk every day.

Talia:

So it's like, wow, you have done a lot. And what are you apologizing to me for? It's not like you've sat and done nothing although, as we've already established from Juliet, to be sitting and doing nothing is valuable too, but not necessarily what you haven't done from your list. But sometimes you haven't done a realistic list to be able to achieve what you want to want to achieve on it. That's so, and it's blocking out those times and making sure that you can do it, being kind to yourself, because you know what? Maybe calling 100 people in one week is really not very realistic. Uh, aim to have or target to have, so it's. It's about making sure you can do something in the time that you've got and the energy that you've got as well yes, it's so true when you have these big items on your on your to-do list.

Julie:

Yeah, I, I, I'll tell you what I do to make myself feel better, because I am a tick sheet person I like to see the ticks.

Julie:

Yeah, and so if I've got an item, like using your example of the newsletter, and I haven't done it all, what I do to make myself feel better is, instead of because I can't put a cross through it, because it's not 100% complete, what I do is I put hash marks through it so that I know that I've done a fair amount of it, and then I pass it through when I've hit the published schedule. It's going out, just because I can't bear to look at it without anything on on my to-do list it because then your brain does say you haven't done anything yeah, well, this is why, if you broke it down into photo, tick content, tick link, tick, you know, then you get to have lots more satisfaction yeah, yeah, I like because I do.

Catherine:

I have those big like I've got on the top of mine. Do website copy, yeah, but I've got that money enough you need to break that down per page. I've not done it.

Talia:

No, you're not going to do it. You can't write that down. I'm sorry it's not going to work, because what copy Are you writing about me? Are you writing about your classes? Are you writing about somebody that you met recently that you think is, you know, great to follow? Like, what are you writing about?

Catherine:

so a copy is huge, break it down that's such a great, great tip and I just so, just from what we've just been talking about, if we reflect back to like people that are listening and maybe we're thinking about summer holidays and and again, and we're not necessarily talking about just people, just women with children we often the summer changes everybody's routines and you could be going on holiday that changes your routine but you might have elder family that you're taking care of as well, you know yeah, it's a massive one.

Talia:

So it doesn't have to be about younger family, it could be about the older family, extended family, that you've got a commitment to support, you know and help them. So, yeah, definitely.

Catherine:

That's, that's so true. So, again, apply all of those things to your, to your fitness and well-being. Perhaps put those things on your tick list as well. I, what I heard from you was a big word was be realistic list as well. I, what I heard from you was a big word was be realistic. Yeah, absolutely. I am so. So not realistic with anything that I I put on this to-do list and then, like many of your clients, probably really disappointed with myself for not having done enough because there's not enough ticks on that thing, even though I've done as as much as humanly possible in those hours.

Julie:

So you do not have a whole day's work in the school holidays, but also you expect in that day to do something with your kids.

Catherine:

Yeah, yeah, we would have been to Wildwood, had ice cream, had pancakes in the morning and done an entire day of work and gone to the movies in the evening.

Julie:

Yeah, you're going to work full time, but you're also going to be a full-time mum during the school holidays and you think that that is in your head, you think that's realistic and it never is no, it's really not.

Talia:

You've got to be able to find the balance and you've got to be, you know, yeah, you've got to be realistic about it. So, giving yourselves a few hours off in the afternoon, doing less work, just so you can have that quality family time, is so valuable because otherwise, mentally I've heard you on your podcast previously talking about money, mummy guilt then you end up feeling so guilty otherwise that you haven't done any work and you haven't had any time with the kids, you haven't sorted out of the house, and so you've got to find a balance that is actually going to relieve that guilt but also then relieve that that worry about running your business. If that's you know what, what you are doing, but if it's, if it's about a mum that's actually going to nine, to five, to to a job, it's it's a whole different picture, isn't it? It's trying to find things for your kids to do while you're not even at home yeah, and that mum guilt is.

Catherine:

It's paralyzing, isn't it? And you end up I don't know about you, but I end up then doing nothing, like nothing valuable. I don't get any work done, I don't get any self-care done, I don't. We don't spend any quality time with the children unless you're just like like paralyzed, like a rabbit in headlights this is where you plan, so I plan.

Julie:

I'm a planner. I've got a color-coded. Have you seen my color-coded chart for the school holidays?

Julie:

right so I've got a color-coded chart from the the moment they finish school to the moment they go back. And it's got and I will tell the kids. I will say, right on this day I'm working so you need to entertain yourself, see if your friends are around, tidy your room, whatever you need to do. I am not available that day because I'm working, but then on this day we are going to London and we're going to the theatre or whatever we might be doing, and so that they know, and everybody knows the chart, everybody's got their colour codes. They know where everybody is, who's working, who isn't. Um, that's that probably sounds very anal, but that's the only way.

Talia:

No, I used to do something like that and it's making me think, oh, maybe I should.

Talia:

Even though my kids are older, maybe I should still be doing it.

Talia:

I used to draw up a big on a big piece of white paper the month of August, and say, right, you're with grandma that day, you're with dad that day, you know, you're, you're going to club that day and I'm working that day. So, but I don't do that so much anymore because I'm working for myself and the kids are teenagers, um, but actually there's still value in them understanding what the plan is, because there are certain days in my calendar that I'm thinking, okay, I can spend time with kids because I don't have too many clients and you know, and dad's around for them that day, so they can go off and do their own thing with with daddy. So actually communicating it to them is, yeah, there is that value that you like what you said, julie, that actually letting them know the days that they need to go off and do their own thing or or entertain themselves yeah, we were talking about um on a recent podcast episode about understanding what you want, where you want to be at the end of the school holidays.

Julie:

So we were talking about about your health. But we were saying, you know, do you want to maintain or do you want to let things go, or do you want to up it? What do you want to do? And another thing, apart from having a awareness around that, is to ask the children what do you want to experience over the summer holidays? And then aim to put some of those activities in, or whatever it is that they want, into my color-coded plan because, like I said, that's how anal I am about it. But it does help because they also have got things that they want to. You know, for the first few days they don't want to do anything, they just want to zone out, don't they? They just want to. They'd be in their pajamas. I don't want to get dressed and I don't want you having a go at me if I'm just in my room watching the screens and I just let that go like yep, for the couple of days you can do that.

Talia:

And then they start to say, oh, I'd like to do this or I'd like this to happen, so I find that's a good yeah, they definitely need that, that transition and to be able to regulate and to adjust to having that time off to, you know, decompress after school, um, at the end of the year. Yeah, I definitely find that with my kids and this this week's been very much in my mind that kind of process, letting them have their downtime. But then I've looked at the diary and thought, okay, we need to get some things planned in so that we don't end up doing that every week. Yeah, exactly.

Catherine:

Yeah, that's it. That is always, always a danger. Actually, both my girls have done this. They have, specifically for the summer holidays, and actually they're both up on their walls, have decided what they want to achieve through the holidays and it's up there. Like you, tali, we used to do that. I used to get like a big piece of wallpaper or wallpaper out and just, yeah, draw the whole of August on there and then get them to brainstorm like, throw at me what, what they wanted to do. I think my, the thing that puts me off doing it at the moment is because I feel like I'm coming up with all these ideas and I'm just getting teenage grunts back at me yeah, yeah, no, I get that totally that's why it needs to be their idea.

Talia:

It can't all be coming from you no, yeah, absolutely come up with some ideas of what they want to do as well and when you've got kids with differences, that can be quite challenging. So talking to them about it, I think it's really beneficial so they come up with ideas, because otherwise they have a hard time dealing and processing with what they're going to be doing, the unknown or a change, or how long it's going to take the journey time. They often will think and ruminate about certain things that you wouldn't necessarily feel a normal child would. An average child might, if they're going trampolining, be just really excited they're getting there, they're going to be jumping about. But an autistic child, for instance, instance, might be worried about the journey, about the noise, about who will be there, how many people will be there, what they need to wear, you know, how long they'll be in there and who they might see. They'll be thinking about so many of the other aspects of it.

Talia:

That actually sitting and talking to a child about what they want to do and how excited they might be about it and what day they might like to do it and with who, is really valuable, and I mean for every neurotypical child too, but in particular when you've got a child that's got differences, that conversation is really valuable because then they're they're totally aware, whereas I don't know about you, but when my kids were toddlers and really young, you just make plans and bung them in the car and you wouldn't necessarily tell them what they were doing and what time they were doing it. And you'd get in the car and they'd be like, oh, where are we going? What are we doing today, mum? Um, you wouldn't necessarily pre-warn them, um, you just get on with it. But then get to a certain point where they actually do need a bit more communication because otherwise you're gonna get objections. I hate it there. I don't like that. I don't want to go there. So yeah, having those chats, I think, is definitely valuable.

Catherine:

I suppose there's an empowerment element as well, isn't it? If they've made the decision what they want to do, then they can they can take ownership of it. Do you find, if you're doing things that potentially maybe they want to do, but they've got kind of lots of questions and and maybe anxieties around it, does the empowerment and does the discussion around it help alleviate that?

Talia:

yeah, definitely because, and even sometimes like, let's say, you're going somewhere new.

Talia:

My kids are not theme park people, but if they were, for instance, if I showed them the website for the thought park and showed them all the rides and showed them the map, and they understood where they were going, where we were going to park and what time we were going to get there, and maybe even they'd want to do a bit of planning, thinking, okay, I want to go straight to that ride, I want to go to that ride. After that, giving them, like you said, the empowerment, that control, okay, this is what we're doing, instead of just taking them and just kind of winging it. It's so much better if they're in control a bit and they understand that you know the park opens at a certain time, closes at a certain time, so that the window in which we're going to be there, instead of that thinking oh, how long are we going to be there for you know what we're going to be doing while we're there. If you have that preparation chat, it definitely helps. Yeah, yeah, it stops that so much worry.

Catherine:

So, as you're saying that, I'm not thinking about any children now, I'm just thinking about my husband. I'm thinking about if I empowered him, rather than just telling everybody what we're doing, yeah and gave him a little bit more idea, because he likes to know what time we're getting there, what we're doing, what time we're getting there, what we're doing, what time we're leaving, generally before we've even left yes, exactly yeah and so, and that frustrates me.

Catherine:

I don't work quite like that. I do like to like I mean, do you know what I say that I often go with the line that I like to kind of be quite impromptu and quite go with the flow. However, I definitely operate far better with a set of rules around it and we know what time we're going and where we're going. As long as there's leeway for me to stay longer, which is often you can be flexible with it, can't you?

Julie:

you can have a plan, you don't have to follow the plan 100 if you get somewhere and you're like, oh, there's a nice pub, let's stop for dinner, or whatever it is, yeah you need to kind of put all the possibilities and the parameters out there, like and say but you know, if there is a pub on the way home, that might be nice.

Talia:

But sometimes it's hard to explain all those things.

Talia:

Sometimes, like, if I'm going shopping, for instance, with my boys and like they'll say, what shops are we going to, how many shops, what time will we go there for and how long will we be, and I have to exaggerate and say, oh well, I need to go to M&S and I need to go to the car shop.

Talia:

And then I say there's three other shops and I can't remember their names because I know I'm going to want other shops if I'm going along the high street. But I have to exaggerate so that I've got a buffer so they don't say you said we're only going to three shops, we're going home now. So you know, so we're not so rigid to give myself flexibility, but you probably need to do that with your husband as well, so that it's a bonus actually if you're going home earlier, so that, um, you don't get that retaliation saying, oh well, you told me it closes at six and I thought we're just going to be going home, but um, every say actually there's a pub on the way home that we could go to. Even if you don't necessarily think you're going to be doing it, destroy it in any way yeah, yeah, yeah, get all those possibilities.

Catherine:

Actually, I have to do that with the dog as well. The dog now you know when you're talking and the kids start pulling your arm to like to get going. The dog now howls at me if I'm talking too long on a walk.

Talia:

I get that too. Yeah, my dog's like there's a rabbit down there. Why are we standing still? Can we please go?

Catherine:

what is what is wrong with you? Why don't you understand my needs? Yeah, absolutely.

Talia:

Yeah, it's just like the kids pulling at you. But that that's you know. That's inevitable, isn't it in the summer when you're especially if you're working at home you've got the kids pulling. You say I'm hungry, I'm hungry and you're just trying to get an email done, let me just get this done.

Talia:

So it's um part of the planning is really vital as well. It's just in your in the morning, thinking okay, I need to think about their lunch way ahead, before it actually gets to one o'clock and they're tugging on you and it takes you another half an hour to make it a part of that planning and making sure you've got food for you and food for them so that they can sit and do their own thing, whether it's TV, whether it's reading, whether it's playing games or whatever for an hour or two in between those breakfasts, that lunch that they may be announcing in the afternoon. If you put it all in, the more that you can plan, the easier it becomes. So, then, the more realistic you are as well, thinking actually, oh, I can do four hours in the morning, but actually no, your kids are at home, they haven't gone off to school with a packed lunch and you need to actually think about the fact that they're going to be tugging at you, probably at 11 o'clock, saying can I have a snack now?

Julie:

We spoke about this, didn't we on our other podcast episode?

Talia:

Yeah, I remember somebody saying about lunchtime, having a packed lunch even in the summer holiday, so that you stop the kids raiding the cupboard.

Catherine:

So I was listening to it before. So, yeah, it's such a valuable idea. It's already lunchtime, is already taking up more of my day than it normally does. I would make a salad for Mark and I and for some reason, of course, it takes longer to make food for five of us rather than two of us, but it's like a proper meal, like at the end of the day yeah, absolutely everybody and I certainly hadn't accounted for that. So that's it.

Talia:

Yeah, that's another thing I'm gonna have to but even if you're not the one doing the lunch, the mess that comes afterwards or the loading of the dishwasher that's going on for an extra time for the and which normally only goes on once a day, is suddenly going on twice a day. That kind of thing that you don't necessarily account for. So it's actually being realistic about those things is really important because again you're going to be berating yourself at the end of the day, otherwise that actually, oh, I haven't got this done and I haven't got that done. But actually you know what. You have got so much more done, like a five-course meal in the middle of the day that you hadn't actually put on your schedule but you've had to do because everybody wanted something different and you know there was so much going on. Yeah, when you're, when you're not realistic about things, then actually you're then hard on yourself that you haven't achieved what you set out to achieve.

Talia:

Yeah, it's just so very important to have those to-do lists. Think about the time you've actually got available. Think about the needs of everybody around you as well as yourself. Think to yourself. Actually you know what. Those 10 things on my list aren't actually going to all be done today, but maybe it's more realistic to get them done over the week instead of over one day, so that I can actually live and eat and, you know, sit and have a cup of tea with my kids in the morning because it's a nice thing to do and not have to rush to the desk because actually they're at home and as much as a summer holiday feels long their childhood is actually that long so if you can make those little pockets of time to just spend with them here and there and make the most of it, yeah, you do need to make the most of it.

Julie:

It's such a good reminder and I think that the the things that I'm getting most from you are being realistic and being kind to yourself, and I think when you do those self-care things as well, you make your stress bucket bigger like handle because the stress elements there's going to be more stress and if you don't do the self-care, your your stress bucket gets smaller and you're trying to put more in it.

Julie:

So, doing those things, look after yourself. I just imagine a stress bucket has got bigger so I can handle all the other things. But yeah, being kind to yourself and realistic, I think is so, so important.

Catherine:

Because, those things aren't going to go away. You're still going to be stressed, you're still going to have to deal with the unknown all the way through the day. So if you're playing on easy, we like we talked about very often, so you've made sure that you are. You've got your non-negotiables ticked, we like put them on your list, yeah absolutely yeah, listen to your gratitude, walk to the door.

Talia:

It's like but when you say list, I've got in my diary for an hour and a half a day walk, because if you're not actually putting these things in and it's the same with my clubhouse that it's in the diary.

Talia:

So some people, I think, have got these done. Negotiables and like school pickup was in my diary as well until obviously now in summer holidays. But if you don't have them in, even though you know you need to do them, then again you're not really being realistic about the timeframes that you've got around them. Because actually then you look at your day and think, oh, why didn't I get that and that done? Well, you didn't think about the fact that you had to do a school job and you had to do a dog walk, and you know you had to prep lunches or prep dinner or whatever. And it's so much better, visually as well, if you've actually got made those time slots so that you, you know, see it better and you can get that balance. And that's what you know brings it all back round to that self-care, isn't it? And that productivity. When you take care of yourself, you'll get a better balance and get be more productive when do you do your planning?

Catherine:

do you do it the night before? Do you do it the week before?

Talia:

do the morning I tend to do a week ahead, you know, I like to know and my, my brain fog is not great, so the more that I can put stuff in my diary and have it there, so that it's there, that's my memory, even if it's not up here that I can just have a look at it and think, oh yes, I've put that in, that's fine, I've made time for that. So then I don't overbook myself, you know. So making sure that I've got an even little reminders about a newsletter needs to be sent out there, so that will go into the diary as well. You know, and you know I've got to make that phone call or follow up with somebody. Sometimes those little things will go in, because otherwise they just slip from my mind. So, yeah, I like to have, I like to like to have my diary done ahead of time and looking at it. Okay, I'm organized, I've got it planned, it's under control yeah, there's that space, that plan to plan the planning is.

Talia:

Is is so valuable really is because then it's nice to have that motivation, isn't it? And something to work towards. And if you've planned it out, yeah, I'm under under control here, I know what I'm doing. You don't wake up on a Monday morning think, oh my god, what am I going to get done this week? Because actually it's in the diary already and you've set time aside for certain things, or client times are in the diary. You know if you've got space to fit somebody else in or not. So having having those things set out ahead of time really helps and also you've just said about brain fog.

Catherine:

Certainly I imagine there are a lot of people listening that can identify with brain fog. So you add that to, yeah, the unknowns of the school holidays and and all of that stuff, everything that we have talked about today will help with that as well. You know, playing on easy that, making sure you're looking after yourself, the planning, so that you know exactly what you are doing and when you are doing it, so that actually right then and there there is very little thought required exactly, yeah, and if you're somebody it, so that actually right then, and there there is very little thought required exactly yeah, and if you're somebody that is a solopreneur and doesn't have like a va or somebody, or even an accountant, that helps you.

Talia:

Having all those things put in, like even down to I need to do a social media post this morning, like putting that in the diary. Like every monday, do a social media post, you know, every wednesday to pop up and do a live, that kind of thing. If you have those things in the diary, you're it's, you've got a bit more control and calm over thinking. I know what I'm doing here. It's structured, it's consistent, it becomes. You know those habits like you referred to earlier. You know those habits that become easy, don't they once?

Talia:

once you start doing them on a regular basis, they just flow yeah and so then putting those things and planning those things just make things so much easier once it's written down, it's a commitment as well yeah, absolutely yeah got to be done.

Catherine:

oh my goodness, I I mean, I could just keep going on and on and on, but I think probably we've taken too much of people's school holidays up now. Anyway, thank you so so much for joining us. Where can our listeners find you and talk to you other than in our far too fabulous Facebook group? If you want to come and carry on during the conversation, oh yeah, that would be great. It's a good idea. Far too fabulous facebook group, if you want to come and carry on, join the conversation?

Talia:

oh yeah, that would be great. It's a good idea. They can find me at talia zamoracom, nice and simple. Although the spelling of talia zamora is not exactly easy, that's where the easiest place to find me. And, um see, yeah, read and see what I've been up to over the years on my website different podcasts and book writing and awards winning and all those kind of things. If people are curious, yeah, and otherwise, they can come and find me on facebook as well. I do have a business page on there too, and I'm on linkedin amazing, that's fantastic, and there are.

Catherine:

I know there are lots of freebies and useful things on your website.

Talia:

Yes, yeah there's a free training on there actually about finding clients. That's on the front page for those business people. They can just watch the trend, download it and watch it in their own time amazing, thank you.

Catherine:

Do you think that we have encouraged women like us to be solopreneurs, or have we put them off and sent them all back actually?

Talia:

no, I've got. I do love to encourage people to have their cake and eat it, especially women. Yeah, I think I'd like to think this is encouraging. You know it's very possible, as long as you're realistic about it and find the balance.

Catherine:

Amazing. I think that's a that's a great message to end on. Thank you so so much.

Talia:

You're very welcome. Thanks so much for having me.

Catherine:

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Julie:

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Catherine:

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